Once upon a time, there was a man. And that man was probably French, or possibly Belgian, but what that man did was dunk pieces of potato into boiling oil.
And for years afterwards, there was world peace as a result, with no significant conflict to speak of.
Just look at how happy all these smiling white women between the ages of 21-28 are!
But now, a storm is brewing, a storm that threatens the very fabric of society. Some otherwise fully-functioning humans are using sauce like THIS.
Clearly, the correct way to put sauce on chips is to make a neat blob in the corner, and dip your chips.
Blob, and dip. Simple. Elegant.
The benefits are obvious - nothing gets soggy, you get just the right amount of sauce, and you can casually add more as you need it.
But for some reason, some people feel compelled to ruin a perfectly good plate by spraying sauce all over it, like an ailing dog pissing everywhere.
There is no good reason to do this. Ever.
It's just so sinister, so mean.
There's a darkness to it as well – greedy, malicious bastards huddling over their plates, dousing them just so that no-one else would ever dream of taking them.
This stock photography model knows he is an accessory to a crime.
Look at his eyes, those deep voids of pain, glistening with only self-loathing as knowledge of how he has betrayed his ancestors dawns.
Look at them.
LOOK AT THEM.
There is no moment worse than when a well-meaning chicken shop owner asks if you want sauce, the Bottle of Damocles hanging over the hot, salty goodness.
"Sure," you reply, and then there's just sauce, everywhere, covering everything you love, and you wonder why God has chosen you for such punishment.
The sheer volume of hate these people have in their hearts is unimaginable.
Look at this, and then try to convince yourself that there is in fact hope for humanity. You can't. There isn't.
For this is the way the world ends, not with a bang, but with monsters ruining perfectly good meals like the animals they truly are.
