1.All things considered, Britain definitely has the sadder food options. Just look at this tragic potato skin.
2.And these, somehow, are peas. Mushy peas might be traditional, and there are some nice versions, but the fact this is technically a vegetable is...odd.
3.This has an actual Wikipedia page, and a history, and is a thing that has appeared in cookbooks, and it's somehow the most British food of all time.
4.Whereas the most American food is probably deep-fried butter.
5.Or deep-fried bubblegum.
6.Or possibly, deep-fried watermelon. That's a lot of deep-frying.
7.Not that Britain doesn't love a bit of deep-frying, though. Such as the classic deep-fried Mars bar. And while the American deep-frying above only occurs at state fairs...this is marginally more common. Not a lot more common. But still.
8.But that's as far as it goes, because Britain, for all its faults, is just not experimental with food.
9.The British experiment only very occasionally – like putting curry in a Yorkshire pudding!
10.In America, though – have some pickles in your Kool-Aid!
11.Have some peanut butter and jelly in your soda!
12.Have some Doritos in your Mountain Dew!
13.In Britain, though, we'd never do anything that crazy. It's all nice and traditional, like a pie covered in fish heads.
14.Or sausage made of literal blood.
15.Traditional English foods are clearly the best.
16.Pizza is an incredible food, a food that everyone should enjoy. So the fact that Britain made this oven pizza and then covered it with beans is not OK.
17.But that doesn't mean America is any better, because America thought that a vending machine was an appropriate place to sell pizza.
18.America's quest for convenience has also led to great flavours being used in an all-too-tragic way.
19.Britain, however, prefers crisps to reflect constant numbing class anxiety, so it puts out stuff like prosecco-flavoured crisps.
20.Or it goes full middle-class and puts flowers in cereal.
21.It's still better than putting marshmallows in cereal, though. It's 8am, why are you eating sweets, dammit?
22.America probably wins on the cereal front in the end, because not only did Britain set up an incredibly hipster cereal café, in a somewhat deprived area, where it costs $4 a bowl just to get American cereal...
...then Britain had a riot about it. So yes, all things considered, the British have probably ruined cereal a bit more, because now I can't have a bowl in the morning without thinking about how the pervasive and destructive nature of capitalism made us all give up and crave infantilisation, then packaged it, and sold it back to us.
23.I will never understand why America has decided to put doughnuts in places where doughnuts should never be. The doughnut burger seems like an awful idea.
24.It's not even a one-off! This one has bacon!
25.Britain might not have the same sort of awful burgers, but Britain does get very angry if politicians order them from the wrong place.
26.But not as angry as British people get when they see American cheese, because cheese is really not a liquid.
27.Not that the British always understand cheese either.
28.Or guacamole, because Britain decided to put Brussels sprouts in it, like the entire world has never asked for.
29.But then America made a sandwich that came in a can. So we're all losers here, really.