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51 Thoughts You Have When There's Building Work On A Saturday Morning

A journey through hell.

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  1. Hmm, I’m awake on a Saturday morning. Really early on a Saturday morning.

  2. That’s strange…

  3. OH GOD NO.

  4. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK YOU BUILDERS.

  5. IT IS FUCKING 8 AM AND IT IS SATURDAY.

  6. And fuck whoever is so determined to have their new extension, I bet they don’t even need it.

  7. I bet it’s that prick who always waves at me in the street. Whoever he is.

  8. Why is he always smiling? It’s suspicious.

  9. Honestly, this can’t be happening, not this week.

  10. I was so good this week, I only got drunk twice. Well, properly drunk twice.

  11. And I went to the gym, I’ve earned this lie-in.

  12. Did I go to the gym? Maybe I actually just thought about going to the gym.

  13. Anyway, fuck it, the point is I deserve this lie in and this CANNOT be happening.

  14. They’re drilling now. They can’t be drilling. This must be illegal.

  15. I will not take this.

  16. This is a travesty, a crime.

  17. This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to anyone.

  18. These people deserve worse than death.

  19. These people deserve to always stub their toes.

  20. These people deserve to only ever catch Pidgeys on Pokémon Go, and have every egg they hatch be a pidgey as well.

  21. These people deserve to have Netflix remove their favourite shows when they’re one episode away from the finale.

  22. This building work is so noisy.

  23. And every time I think there’s some sort of rhythm, it goes out again. And it’s just atonal, arrhythmic banging.

  24. Then some drilling.

  25. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

  26. Maybe I should just ask them nicely?

  27. If I went outside, and explained my position to them, would they listen?

  28. I bet they would.

  29. There’s probably loads of quiet building they can do.

  30. Electrics and insulation and stuff. Probably.

  31. They just haven’t realised how noisy they’re being.

  32. Yes, that’s it, I’ll just ask them.

  33. Or the owner of the house that decided this was the optimal time.

  34. They’ll make them stop. They must. I need this,

  35. How are they still drilling?

  36. How is there anything except holes?

  37. Everything must just be holes now. Maybe they’re making a massive hole.

  38. With a drill. I’ve had so little sleep I’m fucking delusional.

  39. ARGH FUCK OFF. GET TO FUCK, NOISE. I JUST WANT TO SLEEP.

  40. I can’t do this any more. I can’t take it.

  41. It’s only been half an hour and wishing for the sweet release of death

  42. At least then I wouldn’t have to deal with the horror of this interminable noise.

  43. What did I do wrong in my life to end up here?

  44. Should I have worked harder in school?

  45. Should I have taken better care of my money?

  46. Maybe then I’d be sitting on an island, in a hut.

  47. Huts don’t need any building, right?

  48. Fine, no hut. Just under a tree. In complete, pure SILENCE.

  49. I will never hear silence again. It’s just noise now.

  50. Noise forever.

  51. Please stop.


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