2. Being the first one to get to a restaurant and waiting around awkwardly.
What you should do: Wait happily, maybe ordering a drink, or taking an pre-emptive look at the menu.
What you want to do: Hide under the table, and pretend it’s a fort, because nothing bad ever happens in a fort.
5. Greeting someone and fumbling the handshake.
What you should do: Confidently shake their hand, and leave them wondering just how you got so damn confident.
What you want to do: Hug them like a boxer, so they can’t do anything and you don’t have to deal with the aftermath.
8. Not being able to deal with a possible cheek kiss when meeting someone.
What you should do: Use this centuries-old basic human greeting.
What you want to do: Politely explain that at least one of you probably has a communicable disease, so all contact should be avoided.
10. Leaving a party when you’re not sure where the people you know are.
What you should do: Boldly make your farewells to the room, and leave everyone wanting more.
What you want to do: Leave immediately by the nearest exit, regardless of whether it’s a door or window.
11. Joining a group of people and desperately trying to find something to say so you can participate in the conversation.
What you should do: Wait until an appropriate juncture to make an interesting comment.
What you want to do: Say literally the first thing that comes into your your head, regardless of how bad it is.
14. Realizing a story isn’t as funny as you thought it was halfway through.
What you should do: Deftly end the story, and move the conversation on.
What you want to do: Spontaneously add more exciting and completely fictional elements to the story until someone laughs. (This will not happen.)
16. Telling someone an amazing story and then realizing that they’d told you it originally.
What you should do: Acknowledge your mistake and talk about something else.
What you want to do: Give up on talking to people from now on and go home.
19. Waving back to someone you don’t know.
What you should do: Move on.
What you want to do: Pretend you have another friend behind them that you were actually waving at, and really commit by waving furiously until it looks like you might actually be calling attention to a fire.