Skip To Content
  • Yasss badge

Hey America, All Your Pancakes Are Wrong

British pancakes are real pancakes, and much better.

Sure, America, your pancakes are OK, adequate even. But they're still wrong.

And the true pancakes, like the ones made in England, are superior.

The main problem is, you don't even cook them in a pan.

These are clearly being cooked on a griddle. There's not a pan in sight.

What about your so-called International House of Pancakes?

This, you see, is correct because it's being cooked in a pan. A pancake. Simple.

You shouldn't be able to make a pancake in a factory.

This is what pancakes should look like. Soft, thin little things.

And there's history behind this shit, too. True pancakes, cooked in a pan, have been around for hundreds of years.

The Western European pancake tradition comes from the need to use up perishable ingredients before the Christian fasting period of Lent, things like egg, milk, and flour.

The key difference with American-style "pancakes" is that they use a raising agent, like baking powder, WHICH IS COMPLETELY AGAINST THE POINT OF THE PANCAKE.

Sure, yes, you can also add chocolate chips, which is a good idea, but let's focus, yeah?

Which means that the most important part of Pancake Day, overmanaged photo ops involving pancake flipping, is really fucking easy. This is an American version.

This is the British version. Look how miserable that child at the front is. Raising children to expect that the world is hard and tough and everything is disappointing is clearly the only way.

And you know why this is so tragic? Your dumb pancakes are fucking winning. This is a Wetherspoon's menu, and it includes pancakes.

They're American pancakes, and that's not even made mention of!

So look, these are pancakes, the best sort of pancakes.

These are some sort of griddle muffin.

Delicious, wafer-thin, soft pancakes.

The bits of skin that fall off your feet when you've been running around for a few hours.

Could not be more right.

Could not be more wrong.