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23 Things You Can Only Get Away With In Britain

The amount of drinking, mainly.

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1. Having an extra three drinks because you need to "finish the round".

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2. Becoming extremely angry at someone who fails to follow proper queuing protocol but never actually doing anything about it.

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A look of general disapproval is about as far as you'll actually go.

3. Getting a beer at 7am in the airport before you go on holiday.

4. Having a genuine, burning commitment to one side of the Jaffa Cake debate.

Sure, there's been a ruling. But when was the last time you saw a cake that size? Hmmm.

5. No longer being able to tell when you're being sarcastic.

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It's just default now. Maybe. Don't know, really.

6. Watching dozens of property shows despite having no intention of actually buying any property.

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Since you don't have £500,000 to spare for a cottage in the Cotswolds.

7. Drinking outside in the park without worrying about the police.

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Or in the street. Or while having a walk. Just anywhere, basically.

8. Sincerely arguing for the logical primacy of your football team, despite all evidence to the contrary.

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Then explaining exactly why they are terrible.

9. Drinking very aggressively on the final day of a three-day weekend for no reason.

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And despite the fact that you will actually need to go to work tomorrow.

10. Happily reconciling the fact that there are four countries in this country.

Well, sort of. Technically, there are three in Britain, four in the United Kingdom, and five in the British Isles. Plus some odd bits, like the City of London and the Isle of Man. Oh, and the Overseas Territories.

And this is totally normal, FWIW.

To be updated after 18.09.14.

11. Actually being slightly disappointed when you don't appear in Rush Hour Crush, despite the incredible improbability of that actually happening.

Yet everyone seems to know someone who has appeared in it.

12. Being basically not that bothered by the word "cunt", even if you don't use it that much.

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13. Yet still giggling uncontrollably whenever you spot a foreign athlete with a funny name.

14. Breathing in slightly quicker and more deeply than usual to indicate your utter disgust and contempt for whatever has just happened rather than actually saying anything.

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And being confident that everyone around you understands your meaning.

15. Centuries of colonial oppression and exploitation.

Sorry, everyone.
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Sorry, everyone.

16. Complaining about the weather, regardless of the weather.

17. Getting on the train and immediately opening cans of lager, regardless of the time of the day.

Assuming you're not commuting, that is. Or at least not commuting to work.

18. Using "that's interesting" as the most withering, soul-destroying put-down in your arsenal.

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Though you have many others as well.

19. Not letting possible rain, very likely rain, or actually-happening-right-now rain ever stop a barbecue.

20. Making judgments about the entire content of someone's character based purely on their tea-making abilities.

That, and the level of risk they're willing to undergo when dunking a biscuit.

21. Telling someone to "pop round whenever", safe in the knowledge that they'll never actually do so.

22. Going for a "quick pint" and staying until closing time.

23. Responding to any and all online pronouncements from your elected leader with "fuck off, dishface".

H/T r/BritishProblems for inspiring some of these.