RENT VS Newsies

Are They Actually The Same Musical?

Who Does It Better?!

Best Poor People Who Live in New York

Newsies are very young boys and girls who hawk newspapers to (barely) make ends meet. They are cute af. They wear those hats. And many are orphans. They work long, dangerous hours and band together in hard times. They are often victims of police brutality, and have no rights as child laborers.

RENT features poor, disenfranchised artists trying to make it in 1990s Alphabet City in the East Village. As well as poverty, the group variously struggles with and addresses issues such as addiction, HIV/AIDS, police brutality, homophobia, the taboos of sex work, the right to free assembly, death, etc., etc.

Winner: TIE! Our heartstrings are effectively plucked. Everyone is hard done by!

Best Thing They're Fighting For

The newsie kids form a union and protest the higher prices of newspapers. They take on newspaper magnate James Pulitzer.

RENT rails against having to pay rent. (???)

Winner: Newsies!

Best Song & Dance Numbers

Newsies: Those boys flip and twirl and flip and twirl forever and ever, and it's perfectly magical. I literally can't remember a single melody from this show.

Rent: FIVE HUNDRED TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED MINUTES!!!!!!!! & the tango is very cute.

Winner: RENT squeaks by for the win!

Best Aspirational Song about Moving to Santa Fe

Newsies: Two young boys sing to each other about moving away from the tough life of poor living in New York City, and heading out west to start a new life in Edenic Santa Fe.

RENT: Gay lovers and friends sing to each other about moving away from the tough life of poor living in New York City, and heading out west to start a new life in Edenic Santa Fe.

Winner: Secret third option, Beirut's "Santa Fe"!

Best Scene Where All the Impoverished Characters Sit in a Diner and Each Order a Glass of Water Because That's All Anyone Can Afford

Newsies: The waiter does shtick and steals the scene.

RENT: The basket of french fries is a solid visual gag.

Winner: French fries!

Best Relevance to Today:

Newsies: Newspaper industry

RENT: Art

Winner: Irony!

ULTIMATE CHAMPION

Capitalism!