Why "A Diva's Christmas Carol" is the Best Holiday Film of All Time
In 2000, something that forever changed the very core of my being happened: VH1 released a made-for-TV holiday film called "A Diva's Christmas Carol". It's a modern-day take on Charles Dickens' classic, "A Christmas Carol", only instead of it centering around some grumpy old man named Ebenezer Scrooge, it saw Vanessa Williams as the protagonist in the role of Ebony Scrooge, a termagant diva with an antipathy for all things Christmas. You may be under the impression that "It's a Wonderful Life" is the greatest Christmas film ever made or maybe "A Christmas Story". I'm here to tell you that you were wrong. "A Diva's Christmas Carol" trumps ALL other holiday movies and here's why.
First of all, Vanessa Williams plays a raging bitch, a genre of acting she's perfected.
She uses the exact same line I use after the club when Taco Bell gives me a hard-shell taco instead of a soft-shell burrito with my number six value meal.
She's perfected the art of the single raised eyebrow/side eye/up-and-down/bitchface combo. SKILL.
There's also amazing original music.
And yes, that's Chilli.
Her niece is clearly my spirit animal.
Kathy Griffin (pre-"dental work") is the Ghost of Christmas Past...
...and has a lot of fabulous costume changes.
Ebony is from Paterson, New Jersey.
KG also makes this joke.
I take it back. The Ghost of Christmas Present is my spirit animal.
There's a Brian McKnight cameo!
Shade gets thrown at Céline Dion when Ebony dreams she hears news of her death on television and finds her corpse.
And Bette Midler!
Producers were clearly giving a nod to gay audiences by casting Vanessa Williams and lesbian audiences by putting her in these shoes.
THE HAIR AND WARDROBE.
Of course, it all ends very happily, BUT the movie wouldn't be complete without one final serenade.
Cut to me being like:
Since it's Christmas and all, what better day to kick back, drink a barrel of wine, and enjoy this cinematic masterpiece (hint hint, it's on Lifetime at 2 PM EST)? But even if it's not Christmas, believe me when I say that it, like Hocus Pocus, can be enjoyed year-round, regardless of whether or not it's technically seasonally appropriate.