Mommy And Me Fashion FAIL: I Wore Hammer Pants

I went on a date with a woman for the first time. And on this date I embarked on a new journey, filled with monkey bars, sand boxes and Gerber. Get yo head out of the lady pond, gents. This date was of the mommy and me variety. Still, I had to dress to impress. Moms are nothing if not judgy and gossipy. Here's what I wore from head to toe.

MC Hammer Harem Pants

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My mom date is 28. I am 38. So I obviously needed to gift her with the gift that keeps on giving - Hammer pants. What better way to connect woman to woman than to share a piece of fashion from my generation? I gave her harem pants. She gave me sweats. Oh mom millennials!

Tribal for Culture

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This sweat-wearing momma also donned one heavy Italian accent. Although born and raised in Long Island, she reminded me of Snooki during her "Jersey Shore" days - only taller and with baby boy in tow. So, I gave her some cultura right back. I went tribal. That's right. My harem pants were not only droopy like I had pooped on myself, but the fabric was also a tribal textile. I screamed, "Look at me! I'm brown!"

Old Lady Bling

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I topped off my sweet look with old lady bling. Instead of rocking a so-in chocker, I opted for a jeweled statement necklace that could have been borrowed from my momma's closet. Hey, I'm trying to look the part!

At Least I Didn't Wear Mom Jeans

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No matter what my mom date thinks I tried my best fashion wise. I mean, we met at a park full of duck feces and I still wore lipstick, jewelry and a cute pleather jacket. I combed my hair and put on some eye shadow as if this was a real date. And I didn't wear mom jeans. Cause momma didn't raise no fool, and moms sure like to talk.