27 Ways To Tell You're Too Stoned
You really shouldn't have smoked that whole joint by yourself.
Before it really kicks in, you make big plans to be productive...
Which lasts about five minutes.
Like you actually can't get off the couch.
Sleeping. Eating. Watching cartoons. This is your life now.
Seriously, you can't stop eating.
Plus you make terrible dietary choices.
You stop caring about pretty much everything.
Except getting another bag of chips.
And the quality of the weed you're smoking.
Nothing anyone says makes any sense.
Because it takes about 20 minutes to process a simple thought.
Meanwhile you stop making sense to anyone else.
They can tell you're stoned, and they're JUDGING YOU.
You think you're being really profound, but you're not.
And everything becomes HILARIOUS.
Like, so ridic funny. Like, you may never stop laughing.
You're easily entertained by the STUPIDEST things.
And believe me, NO ONE ELSE is amused.
Then you start to get really, really paranoid.
Like you're no longer sure you remember how to breathe.
You don't remember anything else either.
You start to feel like you're incapable of doing anything that ISN'T getting high.
And, I mean, that's kind of true.
But you somehow convince yourself that marijuana is a performance enhancer.
You forget how to behave sober.
All the while you hope for some once-in-a-lifetime stoned experience.
And instead you end up wasting hours on YouTube and staring off into space.
But let's face it, you were going to do that, anyway.
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