Smurfs 2 is out in theaters, but don’t be confused by the addition of interlopers like Smooth Smurf, Clueless Smurf, and — yes — Party Planner Smurf. Instead, let’s focus on the original inhabitants of Smurf Village, ranked here from least to most important members of Smurf society.
15. Lazy Smurf
Does Lazy Smurf live a charmed existence? Sure. He spends all of his time sleeping. But aside from dreaming, he doesn’t accomplish anything, which makes him the least productive member of Smurf society.
14. Clumsy Smurf
Clumsy Smurf tries, so he gets points there. But he can’t do anything right. He’s kindhearted but dumb as hell, thereby doing more harm than good. Better luck next time, Clumsy.
13. Greedy Smurf
If Lazy Smurf is Sloth, then Greedy Smurf is Gluttony. Sometimes Greedy Smurf is combined with Baker Smurf, but that’s absurd: Everyone knows the two Smurfs are enemies, with Greedy selfishly hoarding all of Baker’s pastries.
12. Jokey Smurf
Levity is important, but Jokey Smurf isn’t even a little bit funny. He plays the same annoying exploding present prank over and over again, but his fellow Smurfs aren’t sharp enough to pick up on it. The whole thing is just sad, really.
11. Harmony Smurf
Blow, Harmony Smurf, blow! Actually don’t. Harmony Smurf is terrible. I get that his name is ironic, but if he can’t even play the smurfing trumpet properly, what is his purpose in Smurf Village?
10. Vanity Smurf
Vanity, thy name is — well, it’s Vanity, conveniently enough. Vanity isn’t the dud some of his fellow Smurfs are, but he’s also too preoccupied with his own reflection (staring at and kissing it) to get anything else done.
9. Grouchy Smurf
Honestly, Grouchy, you’re a Smurf — what is there to be Grouchy about? And yet, there’s an advantage to being negative: It’s not as though Grouchy is ever surprised by Gargamel’s plans. Someone in Smurf Village has to expect the worst.
8. Hefty Smurf
No one likes a meathead, but sometimes brute strength is necessary. Hefty Smurf is the only Smurf who could theoretically kick Gargamel’s giant human ass. That is, if he’s not too busy lifting weights.
7. Painter Smurf
And what is life without ART! While we can debate the merits of a skill like farming versus a skill like painting, Painter Smurf is an essential member of Smurf Village. He must run through blue paint very quickly.
6. Farmer Smurf
Where would the Smurfs be without Farmer Smurf? Probably still in Smurf Village, but very hungry. Frankly, all of the Smurfs should have farming skills — what else are they doing? — but at least Farmer Smurf is on top of it.
5. Baker Smurf
Then there’s Baker Smurf, who’s in charge of food preparation. Again, Baker Smurf and Greedy Smurf are often one and the same, but Smurf Village would starve to death if that were truly the case. Let’s assume they’re two different Smurfs.
4. Handy Smurf
Few Smurfs carry their weight like Handy Smurf, who is responsible for keeping Smurf Village up and running. He even built a helpful robot Smurf, which is kind of terrifying but also pretty cool.
3. Brainy Smurf
Brainy Smurf wears glasses, so try to imagine how much smarter he is than all of the other perfectly sighted Smurfs in Smurf Village. He is the third in command based on his knowledge. And yes, he’s often wrong, but aren’t we all?
2. Papa Smurf
For better or worse, the Smurfs inhabit a patriarchal society where Papa Smurf is the ultimate authority. Luckily, he’s a benevolent leader with a very authoritative beard. Barring one other Smurf, he’s clearly the most important blue guy around.
But no one commands more respect than Smurfette, who is the only female member of Smurf Village until Sassette shows up. Not only did Smurfette manage to overcome Gargamel’s sway, she has established herself as a true Smurf. And she went blonde.
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