The 14 Terrifying Stages Of Meeting A New Baby
For those of us who aren't naturally "baby people."
You're introduced to said baby.
Said baby is shoved forth toward you.
You decide to pet the baby like a cat.
You have to explain why you're petting the baby like a cat.
You're asked IF YOU WANT TO HOLD IT?!
You have a telepathic conversation with the baby telling it you're about to hold it and to please not cry.
You try to hold the baby with confidence so it doesn't cry.
In approximately five seconds, the baby bursts into tears.
You're not sure what to do so you start to give the baby back to the parents but hesitate several times and end up swinging the baby back and forth, making it cry harder.
Until you end up just holding it out like a smelly trash bag.
The parents finally take the baby back.
You apologize for holding their baby like a bag of rotten potatoes.
They tell you not to worry about it, and that the baby just needs a nap.
You and the baby exchange glances, both knowing the baby did not just "need a nap," but in fact did not enjoy being held by you, a complete stranger.
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