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A Day In The Life Of An Ugly Renaissance Baby

"Ugly babying all day every day." Babies via

6 a.m.: You wake up with a goat's ass in your face.

8 a.m.: It's time for your weird tiny pear Renaissance baby breakfast.

Followed by a quick nap on your mother's extremely round breast.

10 a.m.: After your nap, you get a morning bath and circumcision.


You're all sure why not? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

11 a.m.: Art class modeling.

Followed by some stimulating conversation about being an ugly Renaissance baby.

"Feel free to touch my strangely muscular belly."

12:30 p.m.: Bathroom break!

1 p.m.: Time for lunch.


Don't forget to share with your sister...or brother...or whoever that kid on the ground is.

Eat up.


Good sharing! Nom nom nom nom.

2 p.m.: Hangout time with the fam.


(I don't know why Greg always brings that bird to family hangouts, UGH.)

All the family togetherness starts to stress you out so you go off for some alone time.


(Stupid Greg and his stupid bird.)

Uh oh, while you're alone you get snatched up by an...eagle? Hawk? Eagawk?

The "eagawk" or whatever, drops you off in the desert.

Don't worry, this lady and cow find you. Even though you're SUPER small.

3:30 p.m.: You're returned to your mother's arms. You try to act cool about it.


"What's up, Mom? I'm not stoned or anything."

4 p.m.: Music lessons!

Followed by a quick...snack.

And a nap.

After your nap you chill with some friends.

Straight chillin'.

7 p.m.: Before you know it, it's time for dinner.

To listen to a bedtime story.

And drift off to ugly Renaissance baby sleep.

Goodnight, ugly renaissance baby, goodnight.

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