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Updated on Oct 10, 2018. Posted on Sep 29, 2015

9 Gross Things To Never Do In Front Of Your Man

If you need to breathe, do it in private.

Thanks for the inspiration, Fox News. We really don't want to offend your delicate sensibilities with our bodily functions, so here are a few more tips:

1. Tweezing your eyebrows.

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Tweezing your eyebrows is a "lady beauty secret," and men should never be subjected to seeing it. Anything that seems slightly uncomfortable or unnatural will send him running for the hills.

2. Bleaching your mustache.

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This one is pretty straightforward. I mean, a little fuzzy MUSTACHE on a WOMAN?! Men are too fragile to handle this.

3. Admitting to getting a period.

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A natural bodily function that involves blood coming from your "sex hole"? EW. I don't think any man would use your "sex hole" again if they knew.

4. Scratching a bug bite.

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Scratching is just not sexy. Period. Also it signifies that a bug has touched your innocent, untouched skin (ew).

5. Picking things up.

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This proves you have opposable thumbs, which is a sign of being evolved. Being evolved could potentially intimidate him. This also means don't use any tools (hammers, drills, forks, etc.); this could also freak him out.

6. Eating anything.

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OK, 1) you shouldn't be eating anyways because calories, duh, and 2) we all know what happens to food after you eat it — it gets digested, then turns to poop. Men cannot handle the idea of you pooping.

7. Talking.

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Talking can lead to voicing opinions, which is just a turnoff in general.

8. Blinking.

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Blinking is a sign of weakness, and men like strong (but delicate) women.

9. Breathing.

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Breathing is a sign of life and it's sooooo gross — save it for girls' nights.

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