The other day, redditor u/nymphaeaceae0, asked the internet, "What’s the most f****d-up standard the society has set?" People shared the societal standards that have become "normal" but are toxic, problematic, or simply wrong, and it'll get you thinking. Here are some of the most eye-opening responses:
1. "The expectation that you should automatically know things that weren't taught to you growing up. Taxes, laws, basic medical care, and even from what cleaning chemicals you can mix to how long food lasts in the fridge."
"Instead, public education is geared towards making sure a student's mindset is ready to be another cog in the economic machine."
2. "That everyone should look like a social media filter. It feels like every app has filters on it now — some of them automatic — to smooth out your skin, even its color, make your eyes bigger, add makeup, make you look skinnier, or make you whatever it is you aren't enough of already to be perfect."
"I think it's making us expect people to be essentially CGI versions of people instead of actual people."
3. "Tipping culture. You as an employer should pay your employee enough, balancing the cost of your service with their salary."
"I tipped 18% at a hotel restaurant the other day. I guess I should have read the receipt more carefully because after I left, I realized a 15% tip was already applied. It was charged to my room already, so the waiter was standing there waiting for me to give another tip when a tip was already applied."
4. "Healthcare being tied to employment. I don't want to be trapped in a job I hate just so I can get my prescriptions. I have enough savings and a low cost of living, so I could totally do a part-time job but no...40 hours for insurance."
5. "As for society in America, the expectation for the mother to return to work quickly and have her body 'bounce back' ASAP."
"My mother was at the hospital delivering my sister when her boss called and wanted her to cover a shift — he knew my mom was in labor. Two days after my sister was born, my mom was back waiting tables."
6. "Now with smartphones, assuming that people are available and obligated to respond to you. I sometimes wish we lived in the older times when you had to call someone’s home landline number and leave a message, and then wait for them to respond at their earliest convenience."
"Now it’s, 'I texted you, you didn’t respond. Are we still friends, are you mad at me?' Like no, I simply just didn’t feel like responding. I’m a busy adult, and just because there’s a texting feature on my phone doesn’t mean I’m always willing to engage in conversation."
7. "The expectation of being constantly employed. If you're not producing something then you're worthless."
"The idea that a person's worth is tied to their job and economic activity rather than their character."
8. "The commodification of your hobbies. They're about how you spend your leisure time, not another revenue stream."
9. "The quest for youthfulness. Growing older is a privilege, and I don't understand the hate on wrinkles, grey hair, etc. There used to be a saying, 'grow old gracefully,' which implies accepting the changes and making the most out of it."
10. "That women have to be strong, but not too much, have to have a job and intellectual background, but have to be ready to do the home chores on their own if their partner's job is more 'important' than theirs. They have to care about their appearance, but not too much, or they will be considered as attention seekers. They have to be able to smile and talk in public, but not too much."
"Basically, if you are attractive, people will tend to think you are 'only' attractive and not so smart, and even that you got a job because you are pretty — but if you are considered less attractive, you may be categorized as someone whose intelligence and sensibility are not enough. Double standards between men and women are a real thing."
11. "The false idea that men cannot be abused, or men cannot feel emotion. Men are supposed to slap on some bootstraps or, however, it's called and take it 'like a man.' It's disgusting."
12. "The stigmatization of mental health: Nothing says 'progressive society' like still treating mental health issues as a taboo or a sign of weakness. It's almost impressive how persistent this standard is, considering the leaps and bounds made in understanding the human brain."
"It's like society collectively decided that mental health can be swept under the rug with last century's dust."
13. "Beauty standards (for all genders). Human bodies should not be treated or seen as a trend, in my opinion."
14. "The 40-hour work week."
"The fact that you work 9-to-5 for almost all your life. It's like you have been born to work, pay taxes, and consume."
15. "That, in the US, we are expected to move out of our parents' home the day we turn 18. With the current cost of living and entry-level wages, this just isn't possible for most people."
16. "That being a divorced woman over 35 means I hold absolutely no value and am essentially doomed to die alone. It doesn't matter that I was a loving, devoted wife for 14 years or that he tried to kill me over his drinking, and that's why we're divorced. I'm just 'old' and 'used up.'"
"'I couldn't possibly use my education, career and everything I've secured with those to treat the man who shows me kindness and makes me feel safe like a king..."
And finally...
17. "Honestly? The idea that individuals have to be their own community. That's why so many people are suffering. We're a social species, we're supposed to help each other, but instead, we're all just struggling along because society says it's disgraceful to 'be a burden upon others.'"
"Ridiculous. We need more empathy and less ego. More connection, less loneliness."
What are some other societal standards that are actually "messed up"? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.