We recently asked people from the BuzzFeed Community who have been divorced to tell us the signs on their wedding day that their marriage wouldn't last. Here are the surprising — and heartbreaking — results:
1. "I knew I was doing the wrong thing when I was offered money to not marry him, and I'd considered taking it. I remember walking to the church for the ceremony and asking myself what I was doing. I was a woman who didn't want to hurt feelings, so I went through with it."
"A year and a half later, we divorced, and I learned to tell people how I really feel."
2. "Our wedding pastor referred to me by another woman’s name during our vow ceremony. Turns out, he had a secret family complete with another child for the entire 17 years of marriage. I left on a Friday night with nothing more than the clothes on my back, and the other woman was sleeping in my bed on my side by Monday. I never looked back."
"CHEERS, mate… To free will!"
—49, California
3. "We had been together for four years when I proposed, and we scheduled our wedding for our five-year anniversary. That year of engagement was really rough, and I asked her time and again to talk to me, to see a therapist to work through these communication issues, but she refused. We got married at 7 p.m. on a weekday, and I woke up that day and went to work, just like normal. The entire day, I kept thinking what a mistake; she never took anything I was concerned about serious. This will not last."
"After work, I spent the entire afternoon dreading the evening to come. Went through with it anyway. We didn't make it four years before she cheated."
—50, USA
4. "I knew when we got on the plane for our honeymoon, and the flight attendant asked him if he wanted to sit in first class because it would be more comfortable for him. He said yes and left. Not one word to me or that we were on our honeymoon or that we were even together. Nothing!"
5. "I was married for five years. At no time in my marriage did we actually live in the same house. I felt unease at the reception, though I didn't know why. After my divorce, my mom told me a conversation that she had had with my ex-husband. She said to him that it was nice to have a son again. (A little background: My oldest brother died of a cerebral hemorrhage when he was 32, and my younger brother was killed in the Army when he was 20; these happened two years apart from each other). My ex turned and looked at her as if she had asked him to sacrifice babies on a blood-soaked stone altar. I knew he was hung up on his mother, and I should have listened to my gut feelings."
"I saw pictures of him recently, and he's turned from a decently sharp-looking guy to a neckbeard, hillbilly-looking guy, and I'm glad I'm divorced. Like, I tell everybody, it was the best 20 bucks I ever spent."
6. "I knew at the rehearsal that I didn't want to marry him. It was a gut feeling I kept pushing down. The church was booked, it was a huge, luxury wedding paid for — I couldn't back out. I knew when he proposed, but he was a good man, loved me, and it seemed like what I should want. I finally relented last year, after 17 years together."
"I don't regret my marriage; I have two beautiful children, and he was a huge part of my growing up, but I'm glad I finally recognized and acted on the truth."
7. "Marrying my partner seemed like the natural evolution of a long-standing commitment. We shared a daughter, a home, and more, so when we casually talked about it one afternoon. it turned into less of a proposal and more a 'let's go ahead and pick out the rings we want' event. Over time, I made plans without him, excusing his absence and lack of suggestions, wants, or needs as something that all men do. In total, the only people he invited were his best men, his parents, and his brothers being there only after I insisted. I can still remember walking down the aisle to him and thinking that he looked like he was about to faint — he was shaking and ghostly white."
"Again, I thought this is nerves, and he's stunned by my beautiful dress and the experience. There was no honeymoon, no ring wearing, and one year in, he began a years-long affair with a coworker. Looking back on that day, everything I misread and explained away haunts me. The worst part? Everyone knew but me that day, and no one said a word. Nothing."
—38, Texas
8. "He threatened me that he would walk out of the hall if he could not walk in holding hands with his mother for our formal introduction into the reception hall as husband and wife. So, yeah."
—35, Connecticut
9. "I met my ex-husband when I was 22 and he was 29. Because he had much more life experience, he helped me with a lot: how to file taxes, create a budget, etc. When we moved in together, we were engaged, and he was very unhappy at work. I excused his ever-tightening grip of control, and I believed that was why he had become so domineering. His help had become orders. On my wedding night, I became very, very sick and ended up in an ICU. That was God telling me to get an annulment! By the time I escaped, he controlled every aspect of my life — I was never allowed to go out with girlfriends, and he even supervised and restricted what I could tell my own mom."
"After my escape, I went to therapy, and a few years later, I met my Prince Charming — the world’s most devoted and supportive husband. We have been together 10 years this summer."
10. "The first flag was having to go out the day or two before and find my own ring. We had picked hers out months before and had it customized, but she showed NO interest in finding mine together. Then, on the wedding day, just as guests were being served food, I walked my aging father and sister to their car as they had to drive a long way home over mountain passes and needed to get an early start. They said goodbye to everyone, and I walked them a short distance to their car. When I returned about five minutes later, the caterers were cleaning up, and only a few people were left. It was AMAZING how fast everyone disappeared. I'm still not clear what transpired while I was gone, but everyone else got the message. My bride was nowhere to be seen. There was no honeymoon. I was confused."
"I should have annulled it. Thirteen years (how apropos) later, I was left with two wonderful children and half my money; she brought NOTHING to the relationship except a car payment and no job."
—61, Oregon
11. "When we arrived at our hotel suite after the reception, he got into bed and rolled away from me. I asked him why he was going to sleep right away. He said, 'Oh, come on. It’s been a long day for both of us.' I got in next to him, and he didn’t even roll toward me or give me a kiss goodnight. His response sent a bitter cold through my body, and I knew immediately that we’d be getting divorced."
"It took me six years to get out of the marriage that he only wanted for show."
—40, Washington
12. "He shoved the cake in my face, after I asked him not to. Not only that, but he did very aggressively. He shoved cake fully up my nose, my eyes were watering, and I was in tears, but I was told I wasn’t enjoying normal things that happen at weddings. I knew he had no respect for me and was trying to embarrass me."
—34, Washington
13. "He showed up to the wedding with dark circles under his eyes because he went out with friends the night before and partied too much. His parents showed up late and left early (also, they canceled the reservations they’d made for the rehearsal dinner the night before). We didn’t go anywhere special after the wedding, and I just remember going home and realizing I did not feel happy or content or excited at all — just basically blah."
"We divorced after a year and a half because he kept quitting his jobs and expecting me to pay for everything."
14. "When I was standing under the chuppah (Jewish canopy) before the ceremony started, I turned around to look at the guests and noticed that not one of her 20 friends and coworkers who she invited and who RSVP'd yes even showed up."
—64, New Jersey
15. "A day or two before we got married, my now-ex husband got angry with me for having allergies and that they were making me tired. We were in a desert that has some super amazing but pollen-heavy blooms in the spring, and despite medicating, I felt awful and just wanted to sleep. This dude had the audacity to yell that I was 'wasting his time,' and didn't I think it was pretty useless of me to need so much sleep when we should be having fun? Even his twin brother was taken aback and told him to cool it. I forced myself to go out anyway, and when we were getting married a couple days later, all I could think of when the officiant was talking was how awful this man was about something beyond my control."
"Surprise, he turned out to be a control freak who never took no for an answer and developed a hobby of calling me a POS for not catering to his every whim. When we got divorced five years later, his own grandmother told me I deserved better."
16. "There were so many things. Everything went wrong. The wedding suite wasn’t ready, so we had eight girls getting ready in a tiny room. A hairstylist passed out because it got so hot in there, and she skipped breakfast. My makeup artist was terrible, but she was all I could afford. It felt like everything was falling apart, like the universe was trying to tell me this was wrong."
"I didn’t even spend time with my husband during the reception; I was too busy having fun with everyone else. But the real sign was after everything was over, he was throwing a tantrum because he didn’t want to keep the night going. We had ALL our friends and family in from other states and countries — it wasn’t even late! So, I just sat there watching him rant and rave, and I just kept thinking, 'This isn’t how it should feel.' And I was right."
—35, NJ
17. "What began as low-grade nerves on the morning of my second wedding turned into full-on panic as the day progressed. I didn't want to marry him, but it was too late to stop the whole ball rolling away from me. We lived together, and if I said STOP like I wanted to, what would happen? I didn't have a solid reason, just this feeling of DOOM. I found out on our honeymoon that I was pregnant. We had agreed for various reasons not to have kids, some genetic and some practical. I had an abortion. Though I knew it was the right thing to do, it was still awful."
"Six months later, he comes to me saying we have made a terrible mistake and asking if I'd mind getting pregnant again. I gasped at the callousness of the question. He disregarded all our prior reasons — some having to do with MY health — and the pain I felt knowing I had aborted my last real chance to have a child (my age). We were divorced within the year."
—kilo
18. "We eloped, and I knew it was doomed when I was scared to tell my parents. But the kicker was when he brought another woman out on our wedding night and wanted to visit a strip club."
—51, Florida
19. "I should’ve turned back and run. He was the go-to guy for his family. They were very upset that they were losing him. His sister backed out of being a bridesmaid because he owed his mom money, and he should not be married. That alone should’ve told me to run. He always put his family first. I was told he was a pathological liar, and I didn’t listen. His brother called us the day after our wedding to help him because his car broke down, and my ex-husband actually made us leave our romantic breakfast to go rescue him."
"If I didn't have such low self-esteem, I would've ran the other way. It only got worse after we got married. Please heed those red flags."
20. "There were many red flags before the wedding, but nothing specific happened on the wedding day. It was just this feeling I had. This feeling of dread. Apparently, my dad picked up on it, because he asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this before he walked me down the aisle. I wish I'd told him to get me out of there. We signed our divorce papers the day after what would have been our eight-year anniversary."
"Nothing I did was ever good enough for him. He was always trying to change me. He was a lying, cheating, alcoholic narcissist. He should come with a warning label."
21. "One of the diamonds in my engagement ring (which I partly paid for myself, because he didn’t think it was worth spending money on and originally brought me a $2 one off a market stand) fell out in the morning. Then, it rained outside the church, and he chose to help his uncle get to the car instead, leaving me standing outside in my dress alone. Then, during the meal, he made a speech dedicated to his older brother — an entire 10-minute speech about how great his brother, that he sees twice a year, was — and briefly mentioned at the end how much I wanted to go to Canada. That was the only mention of me from my husband on our wedding day."
"Spoiler alert: We are divorced."
22. "I found out — four hours after our wedding when I was asked to go through his email account for him — that my ex-husband used the *same exact* pickup lines and romantic gestures he used on me with another woman who had my same name. I’m talking the exact same phrases, same words, same everything. Also, a tattoo he had that he said stood for something different was actually this other woman’s initials."
"He had gotten four tattoos of ‘my name’ and even my face. Since our divorce, he’s gotten two other women’s names tattooed on his body. I guess it’s prime real estate."
—33, Virginia
23. "It was a small wedding with both of our families and some close friends. We all live in the same 30-mile radius. We said goodbye to my family, and I was getting myself and our 9-month-old daughter ready to go home so I could nurse her and put her down for a nap. For some crazy reason, I thought, 'The event was over?' I was told that my husband and his family were setting up karaoke and bringing out the booze, and he was going to stay 'at the party,' while I went home with the kid. I remember feeling so crappy that I didn't know about it — me and my own family were excluded from most of my own wedding celebration, and I alone was responsible for my daughter."
"I walked away from my wedding alone, holding my daughter in my arms, with loud music blasting. It was all very much a window into the rest of my horrible, isolating, abusive ex-marriage."
24. "Prior to the wedding, she accused me of 'having a thing' for my sister because while I was out with my sister and her boyfriend, I didn't immediately answer her text messages. She also didn't want my parents' friends at the wedding nor my nieces and nephews. Meanwhile, her side comprised about 70% of the total guest list. I could go on and on."
—44, Minnesota
25. "I just filed for divorce yesterday. There were a million red flags. We eloped to St. Lucia, and the day before our wedding, my husband accused me of getting out of a cab in such a way that I purposely flashed my undercarriage to the driver. I had no idea what the hell he was talking about, and we spent the entire evening arguing; he brought up years' worth of complaints and criticisms. I told him I didn't understand why he was marrying me if I was such a terrible partner to him. I felt trapped and embarrassed and didn't know what to do. We were in a $2,500/night world-class resort about to get married in paradise."
"Looking back now, I should have left and booked a flight home. Things never got better. Folks, do NOT ignore the red flags, and trust your gut. I'm about to embark on a hellscape journey with two kids under 3, and although I wouldn't trade my kids for the world, I wish I had never married their dad that day."
26. "So many red flags I ignored. The day we got engaged, we got into a fight because he already told his mother we would get married in his church without discussing it with me. During the wedding planning, he helped with nothing and criticized every idea I brought to him. I wanted to spend the night before our wedding in the hotel of our venue where our family was staying, and I told him I'd get him a room so we could do the traditional not-see-each-other thing. He freaked out about it and refused, so he stayed home alone. He barely smiled or looked at me during the ceremony and only danced our first dance with me at the reception."
"The biggest omen, though, was right before we were set to leave on our honeymoon, we get a call that there was a major explosion at our hotel that killed four people. The hotel was still open, and if we changed or canceled, we would lose a lot of money, so we went and spent 10 days terrified and anxious because no one would tell us what was going on. We also fought because he wanted to go to town and find drugs. He got more and more emotionally abusive as the marriage went on, and I eventually divorced him. I'm out now and with a wonderful man, but looking back, I want to smack my younger self for being so oblivious."
27. "I saved monthly amounts from my paycheck for over a year to pay for the wedding. A month before the wedding, I also paid off his $7,000 balance on his credit card so we could start our marriage debt-free. I knew we'd have money problems (among many, many other issues), when I was driving to the bank the morning of my wedding, with my hair in curlers, taking out the last few hundred dollars I had in my account to tip the DJ, waitstaff, etc. I knew I was making a mistake, but didn't trust my gut. Always trust your gut!"
—38, USA
28. "On our wedding day, one of his female friends turned up in hot pants, a crop top, and a necklace saying my husband’s name. Then, she got extremely drunk and said to all of my family that my husband was her third favorite man after her dad and her brother (this was in front of her own husband) and that I didn’t deserve him."
"After I told him how awful this made me feel, my husband didn’t tell her to stop, but instead said how sweet it was and how grateful he was to have her in his life. I look back now and realize that he wasn’t prepared to stand up for me both on our wedding day and in the rest of our relationship, and he has always put his toxic friends before me. We ended up splitting toward the end of last year, and I’m better off without him."
29. "Wish I could say I knew it wouldn’t last then, but I spent the wedding night consoling her because she didn’t want to be married after her dad thanked her for being such a great daughter. It took almost five years and lots of therapy before I decided I couldn’t do it anymore."
—34, Texas
30. "The night before I married my now ex-husband, I desperately wanted to call my ex-high school sweetheart. My best friends/bridesmaids all knew how much I cared about him and how I constantly thought about him over the years, but they refused to let me call him. I ended up being unhappily married for almost seven years."
"We separated at the end of 2020, and I’m now happier than ever. I just had my first baby in June, and my child's father is my ex-high school sweetheart…the same one that I realized I never stopped loving for all of those years."
—39, Canada
And finally...
31. "On my wedding day, my now ex-husband and I took the last shuttle home with the last seven guests from our wedding reception. I sat in the third row of seats with two of my friends because my ex-husband decided he’d rather be sitting in the first row with his arm around another woman. Oh, did I mention the other woman was the woman he was still sleeping with while dating me for the first few months of our relationship? Yeah, there is nothing like watching your new husband cuddle and comfort someone he cheated on you with while riding home from your wedding."
"I was deluding myself for a long time, but I really knew in that moment I shouldn’t have gotten married. We are now divorced, and I realize I never deserved to be treated like that. You should be the only person your partner wants to be with on your wedding day."
—33, New York
Can you relate to any of these? And for people who are currently married, we want to hear your stories, too: What were signs on your wedding day that you married the right person? Let us know in the comments below.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.