A while back, we wrote a post where divorced people shared why they regret getting divorced, and the stories were heartbreaking. In the comments, more people shared their biggest regrets post-divorce. Here are some of the most thought-provoking responses:
Note: Some responses were pulled from this Reddit thread by u/ajmacbeth.
1. "I regret my divorce from my first husband. We were young, and we did have some problems. But it was probably things that we could have worked out, had I been willing to try harder, but my pride got in the way. So, I wouldn't take him back. Years later, I thought we were going to give it another go, but then, he got with his current wife. That hurt... a lot."
"But I probably deserved it. So, I have remained silent these last few years, while he is happy with his second family, and I am alone."
2. "My regret is that I wasn’t enough. He remarried a few years after the divorce to the woman he was having an affair with."
3. "I regret it. After being separated for nearly three years, my true feelings were suppressed by anger that the effort wasn’t there. Divorce just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I am still in love with him, and I always will be. Our divorce was finalized in March of this year. If I could take it back, I would."
4. "Oh man! I totally regret it. I miss her and the kids so much. Divorced in May, separated five months earlier. Married 16 years, and we fought and fought. She was horrible, but she was an alcoholic, and I was using drugs. But we also had a lot of laughs! I am a comedian, she's a realist. I'm clean now, and we are friends, I guess? I pay for everything, anything she wants. I ask her to lunch or dinner. She won’t even reply."
"I am 53 got a great great job where I travel and have a good support system with a lot of friends. So, I am lucky in that regard — well, blessed, actually. But I don’t know how to start over. I'm learning how to do that now one day at a time. I miss her face, and I miss her smile. If you're considering divorce, think it through hard before you make a decision. Not everyone is compatible, and that can make life hard."
5. "I signed the papers today. No kids. No assets. But my heart is hurting so bad. I don’t want to get a divorce, but he and I want different things."
"I know this is what’s best in the long run."
6. "I loved my husband very much, I think I still love him for the sweet memories we had together. He left me with two little kids, saying that he no longer felt he was important to me or that I was giving him enough of what he really wanted. Plus, he did not want a second child and felt betrayed when I did not have an abortion. This coincided with postpartum depression, mood swings, and weight gain, which was bugging him very much. He now sees the children and takes care of them, but he lives at his mom's home. The only thought I constantly have in mind is what is the mistake I made that made him leave."
"He was a super dad to our son; we could be a good team, but we failed. I blame myself too and want to find out my own mistakes that could have been avoided."
7. "It's been almost four years since my partner of almost a decade left me for another person (I think they got together before he even left). I have not felt like myself, or like I have a home, since the last time I saw him."
8. "All I can say is that I feel the pain, regret, and sadness resonating in all of the accounts. I got divorced after 12 years, and it nearly broke me mentally and spiritually. I was mostly to blame, but she wouldn’t accept any responsibility and would not go to even one counseling session. Her two daughters (both from her marriage to her first husband who had left her shortly before we met) poisoned her against me."
"To any person who is thinking about marriage to someone who has their own kids, think long and hard. I was doomed from the onset."
9. "Divorce was not my choice. My ex wanted to do it, and I do regret it very much, but I cannot make someone stay in a marriage. Quarantine was not good for us, especially for me, since I am a high extrovert with ADHD. My mental health was fatigued, and I was uptight from being lonely. We argued about dumb stuff all the time and never had any serious issues, but the small arguments got us. We are both anxious people and then, add in a first grader and chihuahua to the mix. I pleaded with her to finish counseling with me and to even speak to our pastor, but she quit on me."
"She had some trauma in the past with family arguments, which led to her comparing our arguments. We submitted the paperwork, and it was over in 30 days. We sold our house and are now co-parenting our child. I regret our divorce, but I am only 50% of the marriage. It takes her side to fight for it. Am I waiting to date again? Sorry, I know my worth and dating. However, my son will never meet the person until marriage."
10. "Personally, I just regret getting married in the first place. I knew he wasn't right for me, and I was just settling. It took getting married to really show me it wouldn't make me happy and just caused him a lot of heartache."
11. "I absolutely didn't want to divorce. It was 1000% her choice. Regrets? I can't feel regret because she didn't leave me with much choice. Mostly, I just feel sadness. Sadness over losing what we had built together and for what could have been. All my dreams for the future were crushed. I tried to be the best husband I could be. I felt like I was kind, caring, loving, and supportive. I was proud to be the partner to my wife. We built a relationship, a family, and a home together. It was absolutely heartbreaking to be the one that had to file."
"She claimed she wanted the divorce, but made no moves to make it a reality. I was in purgatory, begging for her to work things out with me, and she refused to do so. Eventually, I had to face the reality that she was attempting to manipulate me in order to gain financial advantage. To this day, I don’t understand why she did what she did."
12. "I didn’t want the divorce. I was going through things that on the surface seemed that I was just not taking care of myself, but in reality, there were things that were actually making me the way I was — postpartum depression and undiagnosed thyroid cancer. Not everyone is willing or capable of going through that. It broke me to my core, losing and having to let go of someone who I believed, and still do believe, was my soulmate. But you can’t force anyone to be with you who doesn’t want you or doesn’t see you the same way you see them; so if you truly love them, letting them go is best. I didn’t fight, not because I didn’t want to, but because I thought it was the last loving gesture I could give him."
"If I could do it over again, I would have made better decisions that would have helped my depression not spin out of control. You can’t avoid postpartum depression, but having better control over your mental health can make it manageable. Maybe we would have still been together, who knows? All I know is that while I’m better than I was, I feel like I lost a piece of me that day. It’s partially why I don’t pursue relationships because there’s no one out there for me."
13. "I regret initiating the divorce from my first husband (I'm currently remarried for over a decade). I regret it for many reasons, specifically because I don’t think I tried hard enough to save it. I regret what the kids had to go through, too." Looking back, I made a lot of mistakes."
"Having said that, I have beautiful children and a good husband now, both of which I wouldn’t have if I’d stayed in the first marriage."
14. "My wife went cold, and she eventually initiated it. Only six months or so later, I'm really emerging back into who I once was. I still have dreams that we are together and happy, but I wake up to memories of complete unhappiness. I just truly wish we could go back to when we loved each other, but that ship has sailed. So, forward I go."
—Anonymous
15. "Not regret per se, but there’s a deep sadness. It’s interesting because I’m also as happy as ever. My feelings become more complex as time passes."
And finally...
16. "I absolutely had regrets. We were together for nine years and married for five. I decided to move out and start the divorce process because I just truly felt like I didn’t love her anymore. I mean, I know I did, and I still do, but not like a husband and wife — more like best friends. It’s been about a year and a half, and I still very much miss that friendship we had. There were times I thought I made a mistake because I was so lonely. I had to realize that just being lonely isn’t a good reason to keep trying to force love where it really shouldn’t be. If I could choose, I would still be friends with her, but she has no interest in that, and I just have to respect that."
"I have recently started talking to someone, and it's the first time I’ve had that 'butterflies in my stomach' feeling with someone in a long time. It feels good, but it’s terrifying at the same time. However, feeling that is kind of a sign that I made the right decision in the long run. I just didn’t feel that way for my ex anymore, no matter how badly I wanted to. I truly wish we could have worked it out, and there are times that I wish I would’ve just tried to suck it out a bit longer, but I just truly don’t think we were right for each other in the long run."
Have you ever regretted a divorce? If you're comfortable sharing your story, feel free to share in the comments below.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.