The Most Important Things About Travel Can Be Learned From Bridesmaids

The experience of packing a suitcase is a process in itself. Arriving at an airport and actually getting from the entrance to the gate is already an excuse to need another vacation. Nuts and pretzels and saran wrapped dishes are never satisfying on planes. And, when you land, you're bloated and your bathing suit looks like crap. Here, the most important things you need to know about travel before you do it another time around.

TSA loves ripping asses apart.

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LOVES.

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If you haven't already, you WILL find your true self on an airplane.

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"But I'm not tired. I'm not tired. I'm not tired."

They won't tell you when colonial women are on the wing...

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...."churning butter."

Trips will make your marriage and your sex life stronger.

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“...so that I can fantasize forever so I am able to have sex with my husband.”

"I want balls in my face."

I think we all want balls in our faces...

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^^I know this girl does!^^

If your carry-on is new and not in the overhead bin, you are definitely an air-marshal

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But don't worry, we'll look out for you.

Under one condition...

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...you in or out?

I'll even get "us a blanket."

You can be a kitchen appliance and a flight attendant at the same time!

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No, it's definitely Stove.

There are 3 classes of people in life.

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1) First.

2) Business.

3) Coach.

And your real friends are NOT with you.

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Because they're in first. Because they're better.

At the end of the day, who cares about friends?

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You'll simply marry the air-marshal!

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This way, you won't really be alone for the holidays...

But good luck, anyway...

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You know, just in case you need it.