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1. All you can think while watching scenes of Forrest Gump sitting on that nonexistent bench is, “THOSE CARS ARE GOING THE WRONG WAY.”
2. You sometimes give shitty, indirect directions. But you don't mean to.
3. You’ve never read Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil and you’re probably never going to. But you might have lied about it.
4. Pinky Master’s is your idea of the perfect bar.
5. You have been spoiled by your interactions with probably crazy albeit interesting and engaging strangers.
When you visit other cities, you are confused and disappointed by the people who approach you asking for odd amounts of spare change because they have no magic tricks and it's like they're not even trying to be creative with their reasons for needing it. (If this seems insensitive, I apologize. But you will be HARD pressed to find anyone looking for change in Savannah who doesn't have a hell of a story about what they're going to do with it. Also, sometimes there's magic.)
6. Honestly, you could give a #%$& about Paula Deen.
7. You have ever referred to the Savannah Mall as “the new mall”.
8. You have been or almost have been arrested for carrying your drink into the street in another town because TO-GO CUPS ARE A THING IN SAVANNAH AND THEY MAKE A LOT OF SENSE, ACTUALLY.
9. You have seen this man upwards of a billion times and still you have no idea WTF is going on:
10. THE TOURIST IS THE ENEMY.
11. THE GIRLSCOUT IS THE ENEMY.
12. THE HORSE-DRAWN CARRIAGE IS THE ENEMY.
13. You never actually SAW any of the animals you were supposed to be looking at during a fieldtrip to Oatland Island, but you pretended like you did. You still kind of suspect they never really even had a bear.
14. You have Johnny Harris BBQ Sauce in your fridge.
15. You know at least one person who refers to anyone with body piercings and/or tattoos and/or sense of sartorial self-expression as looking “like a SCAD student”
16. PARKER’S MARKET ON DRAYTON STREET IS THE EPITOME OF EVERYTHING THAT IS BEAUTIFUL ABOUT LIFE.
17. The Tybee Pier… isn’t really your scene.
18. Visits to Lake Mayer as a child have rendered you kind of terrified of water fowl and every time you hear a goose honk you inexplicably become really, really nervous.
19. You know what Spanky’s spuds are and you always want them RIGHTNOW.
20. St. Patrick’s Day is so, so, so much more than a day to wear green and get hammered in public. It’s a day to do so with your entire family by your side!
No pictorial evidence necessary.
21. You believe in ghosts. A lot.
22. It’s old bricks and new art, stiff drinks and sweet drunks, salty water and even saltier weirdoes. You love it BECAUSE of its quirks (not in spite of them), and you know how lucky you are to call it home.
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