5 Types Of Duck Dynasty Facebook Status Updates

When it comes to expressing one's beliefs, there are 5 types, here they are.

1. The Ultra Conservative

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Common Keywords: Freedom of speech, 1st Amendment, Merica, F YOU, Guns, USA, Obama’s Fault

Common Characteristics: Will type in ALL CAPS THE ENTIRE TIME, lots of these !!!!!!, will find a way to integrate Obama’s failures in the conversation, in addition to the ability to own a gun (at home, on your body and strapped to kids at schools). They are angry and unwilling to compromise, even if you agree. They may quote an amendment and it’s likely the wrong one.

2. The Ultra Liberal

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Common Keywords: Pretty much everything opposite of The Ultra Conservative.

Common Characteristics: Limited typos, but will be at least 4-5 paragraphs so they can fully explain their positioning, feelings and will sprinkle in some of their achievements in-between… braggers.

3. The Satire Status

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Common Keywords: Movie quote, old school reference, poke fun at any of #1 or #2

Common Characteristics: Probably smiling the entire time they’re typing the status update. Is a not quite right… but in the right way. This person is witty, sarcastic and easy going. Don’t take their sarcasm as siding for either side because you’d be reading too far into it. They’re laughing at themselves and smiling as they see the Likes pile up.

My Personal favorite thus far: “The only Duck Dynasty that I am aware of, is the one created by Huey, Dewey, and Louie in the 90s. #DuckTales”

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4. The John 3:16 Christian Bible Beater

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Common Keywords: Bible, Bible, Bible, Natural, Man and Woman, Jesus, Christ, Unnatural, SIN!, Hell

Common Characteristics: This person preaches the bible, yet sins on the double-daily. Thy does not love thy neighbor, thy hates anyone who is not the literal interpretation of a lost sea scroll. Like the Ultra Conservative, will likely quote a Bible verse that’s probably inaccurate and meaningless to the conversation. They will pray for you, although this person likely never prays… ever.

5. The Lurker

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Common Keywords: None, just grabs his popcorn and watches the fists fly

Common Characteristics: This person likes to enjoy both sides of the coin OR they favor one side heavily but are too caught up in their careers or their professions to express how they truly feel, which may end up causing health concerns down the road and resentment. If you can crack this nut and understand what’s in their heads’, you’d be enlightened.

#THATISALL

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