In the season premiere:
1)The first 10 minutes will be wasted watching contestants give awkward hellos at airports, bus stops, railroad stations and street corners.
2)There will be so many exposed tattoos that you initially thought you put an episode of 'Tattoo Nightmares' on by accident.
3)Padma Lakshmi will strut out and greet the chefs. My god is she beautiful.
4)Tom Colicchio will arrive to remind us that this is a cooking show.
5)If a chef doesn't receive a background introduction, we know you won't be sticking around for too long.
6)The judges will remark "This might be the strongest field we've ever had"
7)After just one challenge, you wish they would just cut all the dead weight already.
8)Tom will receive a perfectly cooked piece of lamb, while Padma's piece was raw. Please pack your knives and go.
9)Someone will cook a Risotto. No Risotto will ever be good enough for Top Chef. Please pack your knives and go.
10)If Tom asks a chef "Did you season this? I think it needed a little bit more salt." – Please pack your knives and go.
11)An echo-friendly car will be given away as a prize for one challenge.
12)Padma will wear very little clothing to an outdoor summer event.
13)A hot soup will be served at that same event.
14)You lose track of what other dishes made because you can't take your eyes off of Padma.
15)Back to the chef who made soup on a 100 degree day – Please pack your knives and go.
During Restaurant Wars:
16)Teammates shopping at restaurant depot will buy the wrong dishware/glassware.
17)Teammates shopping at Whole Foods will forget a key ingredient.
18)One restaurant will be named by combining each contestant's name.
19)The other will be named after their significant others.
20)The losing team will put their most antisocial Chef in charge of front of the house duties.
21)Losing team captain, why on earth did you take the role? - Please pack your knives and go.
22)Padma will spit someone's food out. She will then remind everyone just how disgusted she was at judges table. Please pack your knives and go.
23)If Tom comments "My dish was a little too salty" – Please pack your knives and go.
24)The Asian chef will find a way to make an Asian dish no matter what the challenge may be.
25)Gail Simmons and Padma will have one too many glasses of wine. They will laugh, and laugh, and laugh.
26)I miss Fabio.
27)The contestants will be forced to cook on an open flame. HOW DID THE PILGRIMS DO IT????
28)There will be that one chef who makes it past the halfway point and you still aren't sure what their name is. What are they still doing here? Please pack your knives and go already.
29)Someone who isn't a pastry chef will try to make a dessert. Please pack your knives and go.
30)Padma will receive a perfectly cooked piece of fish, Tom will find a scale in his. Please pack your knives and go.
During the finale:
31)An extremely pointless quick fire will take place. Nothing will be accomplished from this.
32)One finalist will make a salad as their first course. Judges will criticize them for "not cooking anything".
33)A favorite dish will be created by a returning contestant who is there helping a finalist as a sous chef.
34)WHY DID THE FAN FAVORITE HAVE TO MAKE THAT RISOTTO?!?!? They should be in the finals right now.
35)A preview for a new season of Top Chef Masters will air. You could care less if Padma isn't the host.
36)The judges will agree that this seasons finalist have served "The best dishes they've ever had in a finale"
37)Tom will tell us it was the most difficult decision they've ever had to make.
38)Padma will appear to be staring into space, due to some wonderful camera work, before taking what feels like half an hour before letting out those magical words "________ You ARE Top Chef"
Until next season, Padma.
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