Germany's Polite Nose Pick

There is an epidemic spanning the male population of Germany. And my dainty Texan heart has been grossed out ever since moving to the land of beer and bratwurst.

Via images.huffingtonpost.com

It begins with a nasal twitch that is accompanied by a sniffle. The gentleman raises his hand and inserts a digit into the offending nostril. He selects the appropriate sized digit; in most cases this is the pinkie finger. I like to think that in his mind it is the polite finger, the same one that remains in the air when sipping a cup of Earl Grey or a more exotic Darjeeling, that does this dirty work.

As a hand on a clock swipes over the numbers on its face, the pinkie is rotated clockwise until the elusive nugget is unearthed, and with a swift crook of the finger it is detached. What follows is most shocking- the foreign object is then rolled between the finger and the thumb until it has achieved the perfect level of crystallization: allowing it to be vaulted from the hand and onto whatever surface lies beneath both our feet.

It is important to note, that at no time is speech halted or altered during the course of this act, and that the conversation is expected to take place as though nothing is amiss. One could almost forget of the occurrence if it weren’t for the German affinity with handshakes.

Martin Widenka @widenka

1. Grab Everything

Fill your hands with whatever you brought with you. When you get to the door make it look like you would drop your belongings if you tried to shake hands. Germans hate messes. Laugh and say it was a pleasure to meet them, trust me on this one - I’ve done it before. Added benefit, they’ll open the door for you when you leave.

2. Potty Break

Politely ask to use the restroom after shaking hands.

3. Hand Sanitizer, Hand Sanitizer, Hand Sanitizer

4. Suit Up!

Put on your jacket and gloves before shaking hands. It is cold enough for gloves 40% of the year and Germans usually shake hands at the door- you have until then to get situated.

5. Who Has Clean Hands Anyway?

Get over it. Chances are you have done something over the course of conversation that has bristled even the most relaxed German.

vine.co

Germany's National Soccer Head Coach Joachim Löw picking his nose and then shaking Cristiano Ronaldo's hand.