Childhood's Winners And Losers
Which stars of 90s childhood are winning in life and who peaked?
Remember Ruthie from Seventh Heaven? Well apparently following in Topanga and Alyssa Milano’s footsteps, she posed for Maxim. But while Topanga and Alyssa have been rediscovered and given cover shoots because of their new shows, poor Ruthie is just doing it because….IMDB says she hasn’t been in anything since 2011?
In any case, despite this photo shoot, Jessica Biel is clearly the life winner of the Seventh Heaven crew, which brings up the question: which stars of childhood are winning in life and who peaked?
Let’s start with the Maxim ladies.
Seventh Heaven
Winner: Jessica Biel
I don’t really get why, but people still care about Jessica Biel and she is married to Justin Timberlake so she wins by a landslide.
Also Lucy still wears her on-set wardrobe.
Loser: Reverend Camden
This was a tough one because the entire rest of the cast is tied for loser. But I’m giving it to Reverend Camden because he was apparently in 2 episodes of Devious Maids, and that doesn’t seem like a very Christian show, Rev.
Boy Meets World
Winner: Topanga
Loser: Cory because he hasn't gotten any of the sequel glory
Charmed
Winner: Alyssa Milano
She has her Maxim cover and she’s married to a hot Australian on Mistresses, my new secret show.
Loser: Shannon Doherty
She’s on an Education Connection commercial….
Gilmore Girls
Winner: Melissa McCarthy
Who knew sweet-tempered Sookie was so hilarious and would become the most famous of the crew?
Loser: Milo Ventimiglia
A lot of the cast is doing alright. But remember Jess? I had a crush on him and wanted Rory to choose him over Dean, but she didn’t. And guess what happened to him? His good looks went to waste and at age 36 he has a credit as “frat boy Milo” in Grown Ups 2.
The OC
Winner: Tie, Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody
Because she’s still in things and he was just on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen – and his last name was Cohen on the OC. It’s all destiny.
Loser: Mischa Barton
Because she turned into a hot mess and the Daily Mail called her a dog walker.
All That
Winner: Amanda Bynes
Sure, Keenan went on to be a star on SNL, which is just All That for adults, and Amanda is having a long-term public melt down…but who is more famous?
Loser: Kel because everyone thought he died. But for the record, “Yogurl” was a way better skit than anything Keenan ever did.
Full House
Winner: John Stamos
Yes, I know about the Olsen twins, and Bob Saget is like a household name, and yes Alanis Morissette wrote a song about Uncle Joey. But the Olsen twins do black magic, and Bob Saget is nasty and Uncle Joey was clearly an ass. Uncle Jesse, however, is looking fine in yogurt commercials.
Loser: Andrea Barber
This one goes to Andrea Barber because she played Kimmy Gibler…and nothing else.
Fresh Prince
Winner: Will Smith’s children
You are so lucky The Fresh Prince is your dad.
Loser: Tatyana Ali
You could have made it bigger. “Day Dreaming” was so good.
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