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    15 Supposedly "Sexy" Things That Are Actually Very Awkward


    1. Grinding.

    The supposedly "sexy" mashing of genitals as a form of dance. Achieving grinding synchronicity is an art achieved by few. At its best, you and your dance parter look like you're publicly masturbating. At its worst, you and your partner look like two plastic dolls performing anal intercourse.

    2. Dancing seductively on objects.

    3. Eating as if your food is a penis.

    NBC /

    Trying to act sexy while ingesting a phallic food item is awkward. Do people do this in real life? AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT? Like, I'm giving a popsicle a blow job and it's supposed to be serious??

    4. Cybersex.

    HBO /

    Everyone who wants ass online is lying. Everyone is an awkward weirdo. No one is sexy.

    5. Over-the-top confidence.

    NBC /

    If you're faking it, or just making a huge display of how SEXY your CONFIDENCE is, then you are probably sad inside. I don't know.

    6. Using dirty sex lingo.

    NBC /

    Phrases like "Fuck me with your rock hard sausage"; "Pound that pussy like it's never been pounded"; or "Milk that cock" are hard to say with conviction ... especially if they're coming out of nowhere.

    7. Talking about imminent sex.

    Warner Bros. /

    This is usually a conversation that goes on for too long. And one that you try to make incredibly sexy. But there are only so many ways to say you want someone.

    8. Edible panties.

    9. Taking clothes off your sex partner.

    Columbia Pictures

    You should probably just let them do it because there will come a point when they'll have to help you out anyhow.

    10. Stripping.

    Fox /

    The awkward thing about stripping is that if you want for it to look really, really good and really, really natural, you kind of have to practice beforehand and have the whole thing choreographed. Ready? 5, 6, 7, 8 ... and button 2, 3, 4, and open 2, 3, 4, and belt buckle 2, 3, 4.

    11. Sexy lingerie.

    There are several awkward problems with lingerie, aside from the fact that is is almost always impossible to get in/out of. The first is that lingerie should be revealed as though it is totally what you normally wear under your clothes. This means finding clothes that can accommodate your lingerie. Second, it's only seen for a short amount of time before it comes off. So the point is ....?

    12. Flirting with your eyes.

    The CW /

    Look at this girl. Pretend it is real life. Pretend Serena Van der Woodsen is in the bar. And she does this. Does it seem natural? Does it seem normal? No.

    13. Sending "sexy" pictures.

    14. Walking in high heels.

    15. And finally, trying to be sexy.

    Fox /

    Trying to be sexy = winning at being awkward. Let's bone!