The 16 Stages Of Tax Day

Oh hi, April 15th. Wait. WHAT?

1. Ignorance.

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April 1st rolls around. You vaguely acknowledge that it's time to do your taxes. You have time.

2. Denial.

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You still have time. You actively ignore the fact that you have shit to do.

3. Anxiety.

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It is now April 7th. It's getting closer. Yet you just don't want to know the outcome.

4. Shock.

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FUCK HOW DID IT GET TO BE APRIL 13 WTFWTFWTF.

5. Panic.

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The stage in which you run to the nearest H&R Block, sign up for TurboTax, or send an email to your accountant in all caps: HELP ME, OH PLEASE HELP ME.

6. Confusion.

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Taxes are apparently not written in English. It seems like English?

7. Disgust.

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Your tax person/program is now asking you all sorts of things you don't want to go through the nuisance of figuring out. Miles driven to and from work? I dunno....one million?

8. Devastation.

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The results come back. BUT HOWWW?

9. Bargaining.

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After recovering from your brief freakout, you relax, realizing it must be the fault of your accountant. Because SURELY this cannot be. J'ACCUSE!

10. Bewilderment.

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The numbers are correct. Yet you still do not understand why. You are a good person. Good people need money, too.

11. Anger.

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I want my money!!

12. Whatever the opposite of patriotism is.

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C'mon kids! We're going off the grid.

13. Whatever emotion this is.

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Fun times.

14. Reluctant acceptance.

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It is what it is. Plus, society, America, roads, schools, citizen duty. (The anti-patriot stage is brief.)

15. Action.

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Otherwise known as the "sucking it up" phase. And also feeling kind of bad because your accountant obviously knows what he's doing and is a good human being.

16. Relief.

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It's over. It's all over. We're still here. We're alive.

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