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    The 16 Stages Of Tax Day

    Oh hi, April 15th. Wait. WHAT?

    1. Ignorance.

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    April 1st rolls around. You vaguely acknowledge that it's time to do your taxes. You have time.

    2. Denial.

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    You still have time. You actively ignore the fact that you have shit to do.

    3. Anxiety.

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    It is now April 7th. It's getting closer. Yet you just don't want to know the outcome.

    4. Shock.

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    FUCK HOW DID IT GET TO BE APRIL 13 WTFWTFWTF.

    5. Panic.

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    The stage in which you run to the nearest H&R Block, sign up for TurboTax, or send an email to your accountant in all caps: HELP ME, OH PLEASE HELP ME.

    6. Confusion.

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    Taxes are apparently not written in English. It seems like English?

    7. Disgust.

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    Your tax person/program is now asking you all sorts of things you don't want to go through the nuisance of figuring out. Miles driven to and from work? I dunno....one million?

    8. Devastation.

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    The results come back. BUT HOWWW?

    9. Bargaining.

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    After recovering from your brief freakout, you relax, realizing it must be the fault of your accountant. Because SURELY this cannot be. J'ACCUSE!

    10. Bewilderment.

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    The numbers are correct. Yet you still do not understand why. You are a good person. Good people need money, too.

    11. Anger.

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    I want my money!!

    12. Whatever the opposite of patriotism is.

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    C'mon kids! We're going off the grid.

    13. Whatever emotion this is.

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    Fun times.

    14. Reluctant acceptance.

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    It is what it is. Plus, society, America, roads, schools, citizen duty. (The anti-patriot stage is brief.)

    15. Action.

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    Otherwise known as the "sucking it up" phase. And also feeling kind of bad because your accountant obviously knows what he's doing and is a good human being.

    16. Relief.

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    It's over. It's all over. We're still here. We're alive.

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