1. Who came up with this idea, really?
2. What if I have to pee?
3. Why don't we have these amazingly futuristic sinks?
4. What exactly is 4D?
5. What are those smells? Is it raining? Wait, is it RAINING COCA-COLA?
OK, so 4D must apparently mean that you experience things in 3D but with added smells and moisture. All of sudden there's smoke and then my nostrils fill with a sickeningly sweet smell of bubble gum. Then it's snowing! Then it's raining! Inside! Didn't I just come from being in the real rain? And everything smells sweet. Am I being drizzled in Coke? What. Is. Happening. The short movie is punctuated by the Coca-Cola jingle and there's an eruption of satisfied laughter and I literally don't understand why this is so funny. What is the joke? It's starting to feel like I've unwittingly become part of a real-life advertisement. I even want a Diet Coke. This is messed up.
6. Who picked the soundtrack for this attraction?
Whoa. Musically, it’s like an Urban Outfitters in here. In the building and in the line for the Eye, they’re playing stuff like Air, The XX, Sigur Rós. Very hip stuff. I hope they sell a soundtrack and it’s called something like “The Coca-Cola Millennial Metropolitan Cool Chill Lounge Mix.”
7. How many people can fit in one of these pods?
8. Are we moving?
9. Who is driving this thing?
10. What happens if you FREAK THE FUCK OUT?
11. Has this thing ever gotten stuck?
12. Do I have to pee?
13. Why am I inexplicably white-knuckling this railing?
14. Have we turned into a selfie nation?
15. What is the message here, Coca-Cola?
Phew. I survived. On my way out, I notice some Coca-Cola "fun facts" I'd missed in line. Facts like "Big Ben is 480 Coca-Cola bottles tall" and "Lying end to end, it would take 1,220 Coca-Cola bottles to span Tower Bridge." I am now imagining all my surroundings being made of Coca-Cola bottles. Sigh.