15 Very Important Questions I Had On The London Eye

    As someone who is afraid of heights: Why?

    Leonora Epstein
    by Leonora Epstein

    BuzzFeed Staff

    1. Who came up with this idea, really?

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    The London Eye (erm, I mean the Coca-Cola London Eye), an enormous Ferris wheel on the Thames, is one of London's most popular tourist attractions. It is also among its tallest, making it a terrifying experience for anyone with a fear of heights. I am afraid of heights. But I seem to have established a precedent of facing this fear for my job. So, of course, while in London, I forced myself into one of those glass pods. Many thoughts, questions, and near–panic attacks transpired.

    2. What if I have to pee?

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    This is also a fear of mine — being stuck without a bathroom. And the London Eye lasts for 30 minutes. I was literally so concerned about having to pee and being stuck 400 feet in the air that it kept me up the night before.

    3. Why don't we have these amazingly futuristic sinks?

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    Holy moly, it's a sink AND incredibly powerful hand dryer in one. America is way behind.

    4. What exactly is 4D?

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    Included in admission to the Giant Wheel of Scariness is something called the "4D experience," which I'm told is a short film. 4D? Is that, like, REALER THAN REAL LIFE? Also, kinda diggin' these glasses tbh.

    5. What are those smells? Is it raining? Wait, is it RAINING COCA-COLA?

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    OK, so 4D must apparently mean that you experience things in 3D but with added smells and moisture. All of sudden there's smoke and then my nostrils fill with a sickeningly sweet smell of bubble gum. Then it's snowing! Then it's raining! Inside! Didn't I just come from being in the real rain? And everything smells sweet. Am I being drizzled in Coke? What. Is. Happening. The short movie is punctuated by the Coca-Cola jingle and there's an eruption of satisfied laughter and I literally don't understand why this is so funny. What is the joke? It's starting to feel like I've unwittingly become part of a real-life advertisement. I even want a Diet Coke. This is messed up.

    6. Who picked the soundtrack for this attraction?

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    Whoa. Musically, it’s like an Urban Outfitters in here. In the building and in the line for the Eye, they’re playing stuff like Air, The XX, Sigur Rós. Very hip stuff. I hope they sell a soundtrack and it’s called something like “The Coca-Cola Millennial Metropolitan Cool Chill Lounge Mix.”

    7. How many people can fit in one of these pods?

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    Oh god oh god, here we go. I'm feeling very nervous as the doors close. Luckily, it doesn't seem too crowded in this capsule. There are many languages. I force myself to find a spot right up against the glass for a choice view. I do not like it, not one bit. I tell myself to be brave. Like Jodie Foster in Contact. I'M OK TO GO.

    8. Are we moving?

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    This thing moves at a glacial pace. I almost want it to speed up, because at times you can't tell if you're still or in motion — but then again, going any faster would probably be super scary.

    9. Who is driving this thing?

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    I really hope they have their Coca-Cola London Eye Professional Operator's License. My life is in your hands, Mr. Coca-Cola.

    10. What happens if you FREAK THE FUCK OUT?

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    OK. I'm just gonna sit down where this button is out of my reach.

    11. Has this thing ever gotten stuck?

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    This is the point at which I begin imagining horror scenarios: People peeing in corners because we are stuck up here for hours — days, even. Maybe FOREVER. I will have to pick one of these German ladies to be my new mom.

    12. Do I have to pee?

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    I had not been thinking about pee for a solid 15 minutes. And now I am thinking about pee. Pee. Pee! Everything is going to be OK. Get a grip.

    Also, unrelated: I bet people try to have sex in these things all the time.

    13. Why am I inexplicably white-knuckling this railing?

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    This isn't, like, the Batman ride at Six Flags. There's no reason to be clutching onto something for dear life. But part of me is expecting one of these 12-year-olds to start jumping up and down, dislodging our pod. We will float down the River Thames forever, and die thinking not of our loved ones, but Diet Cherry Vanilla Coke.

    14. Have we turned into a selfie nation?

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    So, there's one point at which I look around and realize everyone in this pod is spending every second of the ride taking pictures — selfies, groupies, scenery pics. I'm doing it, too, and I begin to feel pretty lame. Like, is anyone actually taking in the experience here?

    15. What is the message here, Coca-Cola?

    Leonora Epstein / BuzzFeed

    Phew. I survived. On my way out, I notice some Coca-Cola "fun facts" I'd missed in line. Facts like "Big Ben is 480 Coca-Cola bottles tall" and "Lying end to end, it would take 1,220 Coca-Cola bottles to span Tower Bridge." I am now imagining all my surroundings being made of Coca-Cola bottles. Sigh.

    But, OK. That wasn't so bad. Existential crises aside, the views were pretty spectacular.

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