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A Ranking Of 40 Halloween Candies From Nastiest To Raddest

Gummy teeth need to burn in hell.

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40. These Nasty-Ass Pumpkins No Fucking Clue What They're Actually Called

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Pure tasteless sugar blechhhhh.

39. Tootsie Rolls

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Poop-shaped boringness.

38. Candy Corn

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CANDY CORN IS THE DEVIL. You always have to have a taste each season, but even three candy corns later, it's regrettable.

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37. Peanut Butter Kisses

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Wrapped in those shady no-brand wrappers? I wouldn't trust the person who gave you these.

36. Marshmallow Peeps

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Peeps belong at EASTER. Not Halloween. BYE.

35. Gummy Teeth

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The worst is when you trick-or-treat at some old lady's house and she offers you these from a dish and just howwww many people have touched them before you? Ew.

34. Pumpkin Balls

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The fuck are these things anyhow? Baseballs? Basketballs? Pumpkins that look like basketballs?

33. Dubble Bubble

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If you are handing out this chalk-tasting bubble gum that HARDLY EVEN BLOWS BUBBLES, then you best be giving out some Pixy Stix as well.

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32. Mini Hersheys

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The people who give out these tiny chocolates are the Scrooges of Halloween and do not deserve to participate in Halloween AT ALL. These are disappointments wrapped in decorative foils.

31. Caramel Apple Pops

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Otherwise known as your dentist's worst nightmare.

30. Smarties

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These should be called Stupidies. Because no child looks forward to these on Halloween.

29. Cadbury Scream Egg

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This is just a Cadbury Egg with green or blue stuff in the middle. Cloyingly sweet but then you have a blue or green mouth after.

28. Russell Stover Chocolate Pumpkins

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These are like the knock-off version of Reese's pumpkins. Not buying it.

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27. Candy Corn M&Ms

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Blech. Take the candy no one likes and try to disguise them as M&Ms? Nope.

26. Caramel Apple Twizzlers

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Twizzlers with a creepy green color and a poop center. No thanks.

25. Starburst Candy Corn

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These are like Starbursts that got peer pressured into being candy corn. JUST BE YOU, STARBURSTS.

24. Milky Way Caramel Apple

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Inventive, but not as good as a normal Milky Way.

23. Dots

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So deceptive because when Halloween candies come in little boxes they are supposed to be the best ones, right? WRONG.

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22. M&Ms

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Snooore. M&Ms exist only for trading for things slightly better than M&Ms when your stash gets low.

21. Tootsie Fruit Rolls.

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These are kind of nasty, but kind of like fun fruity surprises you find at the bottom of your trick-or-treat bag.

19. Jelly Beans

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Oh my god, you are a classy motherfucker if you hand these out.

18. Sugar Babies

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A slightly rarer, caramel item to be treasured.

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17. Rolo

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An even rarer caramel item to be treasured.

16. Baby Ruth

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This is like the more sophisticated Snickers.

15. Pumpkin Patch Pop Rocks

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Do they taste good? No. Are they fun? YES.

14. York Pumpkin Patty

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Refreshing and cool but so much cooler because they are shaped like pumpkins.

12. Whoppers

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Malt: An acquired taste. Those who revere the Whopper deserve credit.

11. Starburst

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YES. Starbursts that comes in twos — it's the perfect packaging. Provided you don't get two orange ones in a row.

10. Butterfingers

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Ubiquitous. But possessing of higher value in the spectrum of Fun Sized snacks.

9. Almond Joy

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So delicious. And it tastes even better in miniature. I know that makes no sense but it does make sense because HALLOWEEN BITCHES.

8. Junior Mints

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Yesss. You are totally going to save this for a day a couple weeks from Halloween, pack it in your lunch, bring it out and people are like, "Whooaaa whattt where did you get that?"

7. Twix

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Twix is Halloween royalty.

6. Milk Duds

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If you give out Milk Duds at Halloween, it means you are well liked and you understand the needs of people.

4. Spooky Nerds

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There are never enough of these at Halloween. NEVER.

3. Sour Patch Zombie Kids

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What flavor is the Zombie Kid? No clue, but it's probably Yum-Flavored, 'cause that's how it tastes.

2. Halloween Kit Kats

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Orange you glad these exist?

1. Reese's Peanut Butter Pumpkins

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Any other variation of a fun-sized Reese's can go fuck itself. NUMBER ONE BEST HALLOWEEN CANDY END OF STORY GOODBYE FOREVER.

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