10 Things You Must Stop Doing Now That You're A Husband

You're all growed-up! Time to act like a man!

1. Using Tee Shirts as Pillowcases

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Them's not bedding. Alas, something must result from your TeeFury phase, but not in the boudoir.

2. Counting Porn with Subtitles as "Reading Time"

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Let her see your inner bookworm.

3. Overusing Tortilla Chip Receptacles

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They can't replace spoons, cups, very tiny bowls and hurty feelings ALL of the time.

4. Washing Your Entire Car with the Gas Station Squeegee

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Odds are she's already embarrassed to be seen in your vehicle as it is.

5. Crying During Superhero Movies

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They're almost like real movies, except you're the only one in the relationship who doesn't know this.

6. Belly-Wiping Your Cellphone Clean

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Geez, get something that's actually used for cleaning. Like a squeegee.

7. Using Hot Dogs as Drinking Straws

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Remember when you got high and you and your dudes thought this would be a hoot? Neither does she.

8. Vaping Without a Filter Painted On

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You've got a family to think about now!

9. Thinking About Tinkerbell That Way

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Sure, she can secretly fly into your room at night and party with some angel dust, but the wifey might not envision Disney like a pervert.

10. Using Tee Shirts As Curtains

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To be fair, this is actually not the worst way to use those mash-up rags from TeeFury.