16 Signs You Actually Grew Up In Portland, Oregon

You didn't move here recently because of Portlandia... and you sure as hell are not from Lake Oswego or Beaverton.

1. You know the trimet number by heart because you used it before there was an app for that

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503-238-RIDE only stupid suburban kids can forget that... and why would they even bother remembering?? No normal buses go out to the suburbs anyways.

2. But riding trimet frequently does not stop you from fearing for the life of your hair...

This guy fondled the hair of multiple unsuspecting ladies and then ejaculated on them! THAT IS DISGUSTING. Oh but it doesn't end there! He has also experimented in the arts of supergluing passenger's hair together. Wait... you thought that was all you had to worry about?? Haha, wrong... his first offense was cutting the ponytails off women who were just trying to get to their freaking destination but then had to completely re-route to a hair salon because edward sissorhands just could not control is horribly creepy urges.

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3. And if you're looking to get your hair cut on a budget (or fixed if you were victim to edward creeperhands) you'll go to Bishops!

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It's a basically just a step up from Super Cuts in terms of price, but without the 100% chance of getting a sassy Nancy Grace square bob instead of a chic asymmetrical bob if you're a lady, and walking out with a bowl-cut thing instead of a just-rolled-out-of-bed look if you're a dude. Bishops has not failed me yet, and if it did, it's not like I'd dropped a benjamin just to drown in my own "bad hair cut" tears... and anyways, you wouldn't cry for too long because they'd just get you drunk enough to like it by offering you beer. That's right, you will get offered a beer the minute you walk into bishops, even if you look like a middle schooler with your weird bowl-cut!

4. Even though you respect the life and times of Cesar Chavez, it's incredibly difficult to stop saying 39th.... sorry.. oops?

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5. Your high school was named after a president, but you still don't really know anything about that president...

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6. You know that New Seasons is WAY better than Whole Foods, and Fred Meyer is WAY better than safeway.

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7. You can tell someone is from out of town when they say that they're excited to go to the "house concert"

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Yeah um... what house is big enough to hold a concert. It's a SHOW. The only venue large enough to hold a concert in portland is the memorial coliseum. The coliseum is a 12,000 chair arena... an average house has maybe 10 chairs tops in it...

8. Speaking of shows, you remember the Satyricon and miss it so bad you could cry.

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farewell sweet friend, farewell.

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9. The scariest thing ever is when you're kind of upside down during your ride on the Screaming Eagle

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Some Oaks Parks goers say going on the crusty ass roller coaster is scarier, but until that thing actually breaks... its no match for the screaming eagle.

10. You think the east side of town is a million times cooler than the west side.

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When someone says they usually just hang out downtown... you're like... "Doing what?"

11. Homeless people DO NOT scare you. They're completely harmless in your book, and actually you think you might know one from your art history class from a while back...

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The unemployment rate in Portland sucks big time, and the large population of homeless people reflect that. So you do what you can to help them out a little. You consider people that are completely scared of the homeless to be sheltered and ignorant... and most likely from LAKE OSWEGO.

12. The parkings meters that give out stickers are super annoying and you miss the old ones really bad.

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Oh great, now I can pay with my card, convenient... but not as convenient as having a meter right there when I get out of my car. I guess these meters are called smartmeters... but let me tell you, it is NEVER smart to not appeal to lazy people.

13. You think it would be cool to run into Fred Armisen, but way cooler to run into Carrie Brownstein... because uh SLEATER-KINNEY duh.

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14. You've gone to at least one date at the Wunderland Arcade and won a giant gumball that you proudly shoved into your mouth moments after winning it.

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And it really made your jaw hurt, but you were happy to show off for your date... and more than likely they were also chewing on an insanely large gumball.

15. You absolutely love taking people to Rimsky's for the first time

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hee hee heeeee

16. And more than anything else in the world, you hate when people say they're from Portland when they're not.

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Like you Lake Oswegian Liars.