How To Stuff A Donald Trump Piñata

Just what goodies, exactly, do you put into this summer season's party accessory? Here are 7 fun ways to fill a Trumpñata.

I’m on a mission. Surely someone, somewhere has a Donald Trump piñata that I can get my hands on, STAT!

I have to thank the real estate mogul for the sense of fun sparking this creative entrepreneurship. Whether you love or hate the 2016 presidential candidate, Trump’s over-the-top personality certainly invites parody. And, in this case, that means some papier-mâché fun with this summer party accessory, what I'm calling the “Trumpñata.”

But help me out here—with what, exactly, should one fill a Trumpñata? It really begs some thoughtful interpretation, and I’m not sure which way to go. I’ve racked my brain to come up with a few possible stuffing options, arranged here by theme.

#1 The Patriot

Go with red, white, and blue for Trump’s particular brand of Americana. Or, opt for colored confetti representing other nations' flags, such as Mexico’s green, white, and red (Safety Advisory: filling your Trumpñata with wall-building materials could be dangerous to guests’ health) or China’s red and gold (a quick trip to the Dollar Store provides appropriate goods).

#2 The Rich Guy

Have fun with fake candy currency—Payday Bars, Millionaires, Smarties Candy Money, those gold-wrapped chocolate coins…there are so many options! Stuff some play paper bills in for added bulk. Or, if you have a $4.1 billion net worth like Trump, put some real cash in there and watch your friends scramble.

#3 The Miss U.S.A.

Collect those discarded Barbies. Add in some whitening strips for a blinding smile and plastic roses for a bouquet. Be sure to include a bit of faux bling, such as rhinestone studs to reference rapper Flo Rida and Dallas Cowboy football great Emmit Smith, who pulled out as this year’s judges.

#4 The Vegas, Baby

By bringing in Trump’s hotel holdings, it’s possible to tap into more adult versions of piñata fun. Stuff that cavity with mini-bar sized bottles of vodka plus cans of Red Bull for a heart-stopping, keep-me-gambling combo. Add decks of cards, poker chips, dice, and real coins for the slot machines to fill ‘er up. Provide guests with plastic cups to collect the spew, and remember: please day-drink responsibly. Jackpot!

#5 The ‘Do

Perfect for that fun outdoor bridal shower. Skip the candy and hone in on hair care products: plastic combs, shower caps, travel-size shampoos and conditioners, hairnets. Personally, I think a razor would be dangerously appropriate. (Clearly, no fashion-forward person has directly suggested it might be time to channel Vin Diesel, Billy Zane, or one of my smoothly shaven personal faves, Bruce Willis. Now there’s a man who knew when to ditch the ‘do.)

#6 The Apprentice

Got a recent graduation to celebrate? Welcome that grad into the working world with “The Apprentice” version. Load up on bags of candy money, recycle those old power ties, and add a sprinkling of pink slips, New York City souvenirs, and pages from The Art of the Deal. Encourage batters to channel their figurative frustrations as they take whacks at The Boss.

#7 The Media

It’s either feast or famine, depending on your guests’ political leanings. Print out a few days of @realDonaldTrump tweets to stuff it to the brim. Or leave that Trumpñata empty to reference his campaign-trail revoking of Washington Post reporters’ media credentials. Just know that either option will be a disappointment to those piñata traditionalists expecting something sweet to digest.

With so many thematic choices, there are surely some clever party stuffing I haven’t even considered. So tell me: how would you fill that Trumpñata?