The 6 Stages Of Chronic FOMO Everyone Experiences
Fear Of Missing Out. It's a sickness, be nice.
1. You've decided to spend an evening at home. Maybe you're exhausted from your last night out
Maybe you're out of money
Or you've just had enough of people
The point is, you're staying in tonight. Just so long as you can pretend that no-one else is doing anything fun.
Sofa, stir-fry and an early night.
2. Then, what you were dreading happens. Your phone rings.
It'd be rude not to pick it up, really.
Someone, somewhere is doing something, and you're not a part of it
All your worst fears confirmed.
But you made a decision, and everyone else can do whatever the hell they want
And you can do whatever you want. At home. Alone.
3. But you're thinking about it now. Fun is being had.
Everyone is out there, experiencing things
You check Instagram, and everything is spectacular
Apparently, the entire city has decided to head out for the greatest night of all time. And you're missing it.
Someone is eating at a restaurant with food made by magic
Don't know what it is. Want it anyway.
In a place where the delicious drinks flow freely, yet no-one is drunk
Your friends will be hanging out with celebrities
That's Jay Z, Rashida Jones, Kanye, Tyler The Creator, Aziz Ansari, Justin Bieber and Kid Cudi. They're all there.
They'll be at some crazy, impossibly awesome place
And everyone will be happy and beautiful
You are becoming less cool by the second, just by not being 'there,' wherever 'there' is.
Meanwhile, you'll be at home
Whatever happens, it'll be an unforgettable night
It'll be an experience
With at least one crazy story you'll never be a part of
It'll end with "Oh, I guess you had to be there..."
4. Suddenly, your plans are looking worse
A carefully crafted #stayingin Facebook update will do nothing to ease the pain
Even Netflix is making fun of you
5. You know what you have to do
Despite being tired and broke and not at all ready for this.
Answer the phone...
Get psyched up...
Get ready...fast
Head out!
THIS IS HAPPENING
Everyone is so happy you're there. Time to have that once-in-a-lifetime night!
6. It's not very good. Still, you've learned your lesson - you won't be suckered in next time!
Except you will. Every time. Because you suffer from Chronic FOMO, and there is no known cure.