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1.
my cousin has a michael myers mask and he can’t stop wearing it
2.
(i can’t believe i actually downloaded this app) but guys i found the holy grail of tiktoks and i’m crying
3.
You’ve focused all your attention on horse girls and car boys you turned your back on the most chilling evil: adults way too into Disney
4.
I just remembered the time I was dating a British man and I was annoyed at him about something so I deliberately made my tea in the microwave while staring him right in the eyes
5.
midwest people take tornadoes as seriously as lactose intolerant people take not eating cheese
6.
she was a punk he did ballet
7.
i think everyone should see this 💀
8.
a clip of @AOC meeting @tanfrance & the @QueerEye boys
9.
promiscuous girl, promiscuous boy, wherever you are you already know im all alone and its that im all yours you that I want what u waiting for?
10.
billie eilish is just one of thousands if not millions of 17 year olds I am afraid of
11.
Murder Podcast: she vanished and was never seen again. There was blood everywhere. Her quiet home town was ROCKED to its core. [5 seconds later] But let me take a second to talk about Rothy's, the every day flats for life on the go
12.
✨fresh set 💅🏻✨
13.
me talking about youtubemp3converter
14.
I cant afford a gym membership so 😂
15.
quinn fabray and sue sylvester https://t.co/IIvQIuc6gQ
16.
me talking about one direction to my mom when I was 14 my mom
17.
which one of my flatmates is cooking a single chicken nugget ... i cba
18.
19.
Y’all remember in elementary school when we sent the boys to Jupiter to get more stupider... well they’re back and it worked
20.
she wears high heels i wear sneakers....
21.
I’m only gonna say this once but Jake Gyllenhaal looks so much like the lion from Madagascar
22.
"yo they lookin for u outside, i bit a kid."
23.
Me: My dad: Me: My dad: when was the last time u checked ur oil
24.
This is the news photo that would make a returning time traveler realize they fucked something up
25.
winona ryder is the girl in the nightclub bathroom at 2am who notices you standing in the mirror complaining about how bad you look.
26.
When I said my parents were supportive, I wasn’t kidding 😂😂
27.
french people on roller coasters be like: ouiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
28.
My dad: “you’ll look so much cooler if I make a huge splash behind you” Me: ... Dad: *can cracks open* Dad:
29.
I just want to take a nap
30.
She look like she doin fine https://t.co/XQCMXgqalG
31.
Me: I can’t believe I lost my wallet last night Me last night with my wallet:
32.
Sure I could go to a high school reunion, but what would I say to them? Congrats on the pyramid scheme? Congrats on the teen marriage? Nothing I say would sound sincere
33.
women’s nudes: here’s me in $95 lingerie, lounging in front of an ornate mirror during golden hour men’s nudes: here’s a Snapchat quality pic of my dick next to an empty can of sour cream & onion pringle’s
34.
So it was my cousins 3rd birthday and instead of having a normal theme she chose this
35.
when people leave my 15 yr old sister on read she sends them voice memos of her Screaming
36.
You ever pull your cardigan closed across your chest with crossed arms and suddenly feel like a sentimental widow stepping out onto her beachfront porch at night, fondly remembering her past lover?
37.
Who the fuck wrote this book about me
38.
ashley: hey ashleigh: heigh
39.
📍*me liking someone* | | | _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ______ | 📍telling them | _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _____ | | | | 📍*listening to “i won’t say (i’m in love)” from Hercules for three hours*
40.
LMAOO WHAT
41.
people who have their phone on military time: what do you have to prove
42.
i was just trying to have a relaxing morning by the pool
43.
I’ve learned in my 27 years of life that you cannot send 2 questions to a man in the same text message, or separate messages before receiving a reply to the first one. You will only get an answer to one of your questions. Simple creatures. Slow down for them.
44.
Am I the most attractive woman out there ? Of course not. But do I have a good personality ? Well, no. But do I wake up every day and try to be the best person that I can be ? Also no.
45.
the jonas brothers are coming back and my dad told me straight to my face, “you will not drag me to another one of their concerts after what happened when you were 6” long story short, the jonas brothers opened up for hannah montana and i threw up when i saw nick
46.
Me, in hell: I was told there would be a “special” place for me?
47.
me: :( scented candle: * * . * . * . * . * . * . . * * . * 🕯 *. *. . *. * . * * . *. * . . * . * . . me: :)
48.
🎶Tell me something girl...
49.
My Netflix prank show idea: Women agreeing to meet up with the guys that send them unsolicited dick pics, but when the guy arrives, its actually their mother waiting for them.
50.
Him: She’s probably texting another guy rn Me @ 12am not being able to fall asleep and bored with literally no one to text whatsoever: