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Which Bad Dragon Sex Toy Are You?

You've always wondered.

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  1. 1. What is your favorite color?

    Orange
    Orange
    Blue
    Blue
    Queer
    Queer
    Red
    Red
    Green
    Green
    Brown
    Brown
  2. 2. How do you feel about cats?

    I love cats!
    I hate them because I am a terrible person
    I am allergic and therefore Lauren wrote me a permissionship to not like them
    My cat is an asshole
    I don't have a cat and really want one
    What are cats?
  3. 3. I am already tired of writing questions

    Suck it up
    Queer
    You have no one to blame for this but yourself
    Ticky Box!
    I'm bored with reading them
    Hang in there, sweetie!
  4. 4. Name your favorite Harry Potter ship

    Sirius/Remus
    Neville/Mandrakes
    Ginny/Hermione
    Ron/George/Fred
    Percy/His own tears
    Snape/Sirius
  5. 5. What is your favorite Weepies song?

    Love Doesn't Last Too Long
    World Spins Madly On
    Dating a Porn Star
    Jolene
    Antartica
    All That I Want

Which Bad Dragon Sex Toy Are You?

You got: The Tentacle!

"Imagine, if you will, a creature that has soft, forgiving flesh, unlimited dexterity, and an insatiable need to fill the holes of any creature that comes near." You probably got really into the giant squid Harry Potter fanfiction, huh? I'm not judging. Also if you film your own tentacle porn, I want in.

The Tentacle!
baddragon.com
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You got: Hanns the Mandrake

You're probably really into gardening.

Hanns the Mandrake
Bad Dragon
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You got: Meng the Micro Chinese Dragon

"Meng was once a very powerful dragon, but he was cursed in an ancient war. This curse made him very small, but now he has learned how to put his size to good use, and is ready to show you!" I think this one might be Mushu. Yeah. Totally Mushu. Congrats! You're Mushu

Meng the Micro Chinese Dragon
bad dragon
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You got: Chance the Stallion Unflared

Chance the Stallion is a on a wild ride and leaves his lovers coming back for more. Except you're probably not going to call again. Maybe it's because you're a horse and rather skittish. Or you just really have to poop. That's mostly what horses do right? The pooping? Or is it mostly eating grass?

Chance the Stallion Unflared
bad dragon
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You got: Bruce the Shark

The write up for this toy is 6 paragraphs. It has an elaborate back story. “Me Mammy called me Nemo when I was but a pup, but nowadays, the other wreckers call me Bruce. Something about me fin piercings… and didn’t I tell ye to get out of those clothes? Ye’ll catch your death of cold!” he says sternly. “Or do I have to help? I won’t lie, yer certainly a fine piece of booty …” YOU GUYS. IT'S FINDING NEMO EROTICA. YOU GUYS.

Bruce the Shark
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You got: Snowball the Deer

I originally read Snowball as femmy which I'm going to hope means that I adhere too much to gender binaries and not that this toy is indulging in the misogyny used against people that bottom. At the same time, you're fucking a deer asshole so let's not judge me too hard here. "Snowball the Deer is ready and raring to go! His cute tail is flipped up and readily revealing softly textured cheeks. The delicate entrance leads into pleasing sinewy textures. Will you help grant Snowball his holiday wish?" I really hope Cordelia gets this one.

Snowball the Deer
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