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Things Undergrads Are Sick Of Hearing

What's your dissertation about?

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You DO realise it’s like, SO hard to get a job in (insert degree here), don’t you?

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Oh my god really? Thank you SO much for your sound advice, without you I’d be completely in the dark. Not like I’ve spent three+ years studying the field or anything. Dick.

Bloody students loans! Why should I have to work so hard when they’re given so much for free?

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Some people seem to think that students have an unlimited amount of student loan. 'Loan’ is the operative word here: this is money we have to pay back. Do you think we revel in leaving university with £30k+ debt?

And for that matter, the loan is much less than the basic living wage, and grants us the ability to eat, pay for supplies and yes, enjoy our lives once in a while. Sorry.

What’s your plan? What’s your plan for after graduation? What’s your plan? PLAN?

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This is the question that has me waking up in a pool of my own sweat and tears, please do not go there.

Are you job-hunting yet?

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*Mimicing voice* 'Are you job-hunting yet?'

I bet you just, like, LIVE on Pot Noodles, right?

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No actually, I live on real people-food because I’m an adult who understands how to budget their money. Failing that, my mother loves me too much to let me get a vitamin deficiency.

Will you be moving back in with your parents, then?

Probably, for a while, because I’m flat-ass-broke and, as you’ve said ‘the business is SO hard to get into’. Hey, here’s an idea, why don’t I come live with you? You can be my life-coach.

Out tonight?

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Stop student-stereotyping me.

What’s your dissertation about?

I barely understand it myself. If I honestly tried to explain it to you I'd end up hyperventilating in a pool of my own sweat. Can we not?
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I barely understand it myself. If I honestly tried to explain it to you I'd end up hyperventilating in a pool of my own sweat. Can we not?

Why are you crying?

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See all of the reasons above.

@dimmickhead

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