25 Primary School Memories

Because life has never been simpler, yet so confusing.

1. Peeling dried PVA glue off your hands

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Has anything ever been more satisfying?

2. Being chosen to take the register back to reception and feeling like you'd received a knighthood

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Especially if your school was boss enough to have Bromcom registers. High tech or what?

3. Struggling to get up for school, yet being up sh*t hot on a weekend to deprive your parents of a lie-in

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And, more importantly, you couldn't miss a single second of ace Saturday morning TV. Recess, Sabrina The Teenage Witch and Dick & Dom In Da Bungalow? I'll take my toast and jam to go, mum.

4. Strategically planning a full-on script with your mate for the best way to get your mum to agree to having them over for tea

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"Right, if YOU ask her she'll say yes"

5. Then hiding your mate when their parent comes to pick them up

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Because if they can't find their child, they'll probably just leave them at your house. Maybe.

6. You knew that it was YOUR school that was haunted by Bloody Mary

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... and not every single other school in the UK that claimed the same.

7. Keeping up with the wild adventures of Biff, Chip And Kipper

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What sort of cruel b*tch names their kid Kipper? Bet she had a great time in primary school.

8. Graduating from the floor to the wooden bench in assembly and feeling like king of the peasants

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Though tough luck to whoever had to sit on those awful white nobbly bits...

9. Thinking that the gym apparatus-thingy seemed a bit OTT for something you used maybe twice in your whole primary education

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How did we even manage that scary contraption barefoot? And don't even get me STARTED on those ropes we were supposed to climb up.

10. Accepting that you'd lost all of your street-cred after getting caught dicking about and having to hold the dinner ladies hand over playtime

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And spending the whole time giving your mates the side-eye as they got on with their game as if you NEVER EVEN EXISTED.

11. Not immediatley spotting your mum at the gates and being convinced THIS was the day that she forgot to pick you up

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'I'm going to have to sleep at school'

12. Getting a sticker off the teacher and keeping it on your jumper for as long as possible

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Despite the fact that after an hour it started curling inwards.

13. The absolute anarchy that ensued when a dog got into the playground

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Because apparently none of us had ever seen one before.

14. Getting a boyfriend, then not speaking to him for two weeks

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Personally I can't remember an official end to my relationship with Chris in year four. Does that mean we're still together?

15. Feeling stressed to the max with all of the homework you had

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Namely: A word-search and a map to colour in.

16. Bringing in armfulls of Tesco's 'Computers For Schools' vouchers

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Yet never seeing a new computer for the full time you were there.

17. Being chosen for a lead part in The Nativity and reckoning you'd give Hilary Duff a run for her money

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Speaking of Hilary Duff, oh how we miss Lizzy McGuire.

18. Teachers abandoning all hope of giving you an education in the week before Christmas

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Palming you off with making cards for your mum and filling in word-searches.

19. Not really 'getting' your mams outrage at having to fork out fifty quid for a school trip

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'How is it a treat from the school if I'm bloody paying for it?!' #Don'tKnowMum #Don'tCareMum #CanIGoOrNot?

20. 'Sorry, it's only a two player game'

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Sure, you could have easily fit poor-little-friendless Sally in, but you were a sassy SOB. That's it.

21. School dinners

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(Before this prick came along and ruined everything)

Turkey twizzlers, smiley faces and semolina.

Somebody should have warned us that this was the only time in our life when we could enjoy desert in the middle of the day without feeling ashamed.

22. Forbidden fun

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Deep in the dark depths of the janitors closet was a box full of confiscated toys. Aliens, jelly hands, scoobies... you were convinced that he took them so he could have all of the fun for himself.

23. Trying to out-do everyone on toy day

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You've brought in some crazybones? That's cute. Check out my GameBoy Tribal and bow down.

24. The school disco

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The boys sporting far too much hair gel, the girls breaking out those massive makeup kits with all of the glittery eye shadows. You'd have big plans that you'd end the night dancing with your crush, but they'd end up ignoring you all night, doing knee-skids with their mates.

25. Chairs on the tables = the end of the daily grind

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It's finally over. Now you can go home and watch the awesome TV that they just don't hold to the same standard anymore.

@dimmickhead