‘2 Chainz’ Challenges 10 Levels Of Modern Logic
I’ve heard many people debate the legitimacy of 2Chainz, often questioning if his music is an ironic satire of the rap industry or a mere perpetuation of it at worst and best. Once examining 2Chainz's lyrics from ten perspectives, you will no longer understand your own life nor how you make less money than this lyrical Zeus.
1.Dating from ‘Boo’
Keep it on the low, mane.
All we eat is lo mien.
I didn’t realize that two selling points for partnership with 2Chainz could be reduced to a. “secrecy” and b. “regular purchases of Asian noodles.” I can’t say I’m surprised, though they are each probably best in moderation, except if you’re buying from China Wok II.
2. Science from ‘Feds Watching’
I’m so fly, I jumped out the air wearin’ Gucci.
I merely glance at a Michael Kors blazer and I will find my eyelashes ranging from singed to seared when my vision turns to the price tag. 2Chainz defies laws of physics when he wears designer attire, while I limp away with crippling debt. That’s not okay, society.
3. Pop Culture from ‘Wuda Cuda Shuda’
Everybody know I dumps that white girl like Kevin Federline.
This is awful just because it gives Kevin Federline that extra millisecond of fame that would be better distributed to my elementary school teachers, 711 cashiers, and whoever invented witty Popsicle sticks. However, it appears here that 2Chainz has the inside scoop on the Spears-Federline split. Coincidence? Hmmm.
4. Language from ‘So We Can Live’
I’m like “Bird ass girl, aren’t you sick of the rhetoric?”
The last time I checked, modern ladies respond better to their actual name when being questioned on their speech preferences. I want to assume that this isn’t her name, but if she is hanging around someone with the name ‘2Chainz,’ how can we rule anything out?
5.Cuisine from ‘G.O.O.D.’
My chain has another chain like it was pregnant; my favorite dish is turkey lasagna.
Honestly, when combined these two verses actually make no sense at all. Unless you consider that 2Chainz has asexually reproducing accessories reminding him of his love for poultry in a classic Italian dish of layered pasta, in which case…NO, RECORD LABEL, NO.
6.Jobs from ‘Undastatement’
If my girl worked at a spa, man, she still wouldn’t feel ya.
Is that so? She seems like a very defiant employee and I think that she is going to be fired, Mr. Chainz. Many apologies. Unless, she is the manager or secretary, then she can go on with her independent self (#yonce).
7.Cleanliness from ‘Birthday Song’
I’m in the kitchen. Yams everywhere.
Damn, you know I hate this. I’m making a sandwich or soufflé, reach for the plates, and find a yam. Befuddled, I turn around briskly and rummage through the cabinets instead, wherein more yams begin to slowly and then rapidly tumble out, none of which are plate-formed. It’s so monotonous and frustrating and YAMS EVERYWHERE.
8.Transportation from ‘Sway In the Morning Freestyle’
The tires as wide as Oprah, watch it when it approaches.
What are you implying about the Queen of Talk? Gayle does not appreciate this. Neither does one school population in Africa. You know who does appreciate it? Tyra Banks: sister loves drama.
9.Children from ‘Spend It’
When we had sex, I was in the Mercedes.
And I ain’t crazy, but if that’s my baby,
Then we gonna have to name the lil’ baby ‘Mercedes’.
Well, of course. If not, you could always name the kid ‘Subaru’, ‘Rooftop’, ‘Holiday Inn’, or ‘Subway Sandwich Bar’, as deemed appropriate. As long as everyone is creative, it makes the nickname process so much easier. The world should follow suit at this ingenious strategy and bless our upcoming generation with a whole new level of identity issues.
10.Friendship from ‘Mainstream Ratchet’
I’m real, you ain’t:
calamari, crab cakes.
How we differentiate our loyalties all boils down to seafood, right? Mother always said to never trust anyone who orders Surf n’ Turf: they’re indecisive. It’s a metaphor, everyone; this is true poetry…You gotta risk it for the Cheddar Bay Biscuit.
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