27 Devastating Birmingham Problems
It's a hard knock life in Brum.
No one outside Birmingham can understand your accent.
Automated phone services especially struggle with your Brummie tones.
So everyone just takes the piss out of it.
Or worse, they do impressions of it back at you.
Basically, everyone is obsessed with your accent.
People from the South say you're northern and people from the North say you're southern.
Nobody believes you might actually WANT to live in Birmingham.
Because it seems impossible to convince people from elsewhere that Birmingham's not shit.
And even when you insist that you live in a nice bit, nobody believes you.
People automatically assume you must be thick.
And you're kind of sick of Ozzy doing nothing to dispel that myth.
Non-Brummies think you're into dogging if you say you enjoy a Sunday in Lickey Woods.
You never even bother mentioning that you've got a mate who lives in Lickey End.
Nobody seems to care when you tell them Birmingham has more canals than Venice.
You fear driving into town like it's an infectious disease.
Whenever you tell people you're from Birmingham, they're all, "I've been to the Bullring!"
They also asusme you love Cadbury World and go all the time.
The German Christmas market is exciting at first...
... but then you remember that it's more crowded tourist hell than Christmas magic.
When you want to get your mom a birthday card, everything in the shop says "mum".
You're sick of people thinking that anyone from the Black Country, Coventry, Solihull, and Wolverhampton is a Brummie.
People who went to university in Birmingham are always telling you they went to Snobs.
You are sick of people saying Manchester is the second city.
You grew up so far from the sea that it seemed like an amazing, mystical place.
But if you leave Birmingham, you'll never get as consistently good, cheap curry again.
And you'll never catch a non-Brummie kebab shop doing proper curry and chips either.
But most of all, being from Birmingham makes you feel like you're in an exclusive club, because only Brummies understand how great it is.
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