The 17 Stages Of A Breakup

It’s okay to have some feelings…. and a bucket of KFC. This is a safe place.

1. So you got dumped.

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2. And now you’re feeling a little down on yourself.

3. Maybe you just want to spend some time alone.

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4. But your friends keep trying to cheer you up with gestures and loud noises.

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5. They want you to “talk about it.”

6. You’ll give in eventually. It won’t be pretty.

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7. They’ll smother you with pep talks about self worth and independence.


Please just make it stop.

Worst of all, they’ll make you put on pants.

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It’s hard. I know.

8. You finally agree to go out, but only because you’ve stopped eating and lost five pounds.

9. It’s sort of fun at first.

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But the talent is pretty low.

10. So you try and focus on what’s important.

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11. After a few nights out, things take a turn for the worse.

12. Maybe online dating is the way to go. It’s not all creeps these days, right?

13. Don’t worry. Soon you’ll find an online hottie who makes you want to email your heart.

Hey girl. Just running marathons and doing charity work.

14. And when you finally meet in person, you’ll realize you were meant to be all along.

15. You’ll kiss in the park. There will be a dog there, too.

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16. Oh, just kidding. You were watching “You’ve Got Mail” by yourself, and momentarily mistook yourself for Meg Ryan.

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17. But you know what? It’s okay. Because you finally have your relationship priorities straight.

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