I post cryptic status updates about my emotionsI post cryptic status updates about my emotions, and use a Facebook emoji to enhance the impactI post cryptic status updates about my emotions, and supplement them with depressing song lyricsI have posted about the weatherI have posted my plans for the dayI have posted about what I just ateAll of my FB friends know when I “just went for a great run! whew!”I have posted the distance I just ranI have checked into the gym on FacebookI have posted a gym selfieI have posted about how many pounds I just lostI post things on people’s walls that could have been sent in a text messageI post things on people’s walls that probably should have been sent in a text messageI post actual screenshots of intimate text messagesI feel the need to declare my love for my S.O. via FacebookI post about the AMAZING thing my S.O. did for meI post in detail about how I fall more and more in love with my S.O. every single dayI post kissing pictures with my S.O.I share a Facebook account with my S.O.I use my middle name as my last name on FacebookI post pictures of my baby...More than once a week...Every day...Okay, hourly. (S)he’s just so adorable!!I post status updates about baby-related bodily functionsI post status updates about non-baby-related bodily functionsI post pictures of my pet...More than once a week...Every day...Okay, hourly. (S)he’s just so photogenic!!I have a separate Facebook account for my petI post inspirational quotes or lyricsI post daily bible versesI re-share stock photos with inspirational quotes written over themI re-share stock photos with inspirational quotes written over them, and tag people in the imageI post my political opinionsI post my political rantsI post rants that have no political or logical basis whatsoeverI have posted a selfieI have posted more than one selfieI post selfies once a weekI post selfies dailyAll of my pictures are selfiesI post more than 2 links per dayI post more than 2 links per day, all from the same websiteI have conversations via Facebook commentI post pictures of #FOODPORNI post pictures of #FOODPORN that don’t actually look like food pornI announced my engagement via FacebookI announced my engagement via Facebook using a pun, line from a Beyonce song, or #blessedI announced my pregnancy via FacebookI announced my pregnancy via Facebook using a pun, line from a Beyonce song, or #blessedI message enormous groups of people who don’t know each otherI message enormous groups of people who don’t know each other, and get offended when someone “has left the conversation”I have poked someoneI have poked someone more than onceI have friend requested someone I have never metI have friend requested someone I have never met because they have the same name as meI have invited friends to “like my page”I have publicly threatened to de-friend peopleI have “hacked” my friend’s FB account and posted a joke status updateI have attempted to hit on someone via Facebook messageI have attempted to hit on someone via Facebook wallI have invited someone to play Candy Crush SagaI have invited everyone I know to play Candy Crush SagaAt some point, my Facebook has been connected to Farmville
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