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1. There is no such thing as a "quick walk."
2. Every lamp post, fire hydrant, and piece of scaffolding must be properly marked.
3. After work happy hours make you feel like a terrible parent.
4. So you usually go straight home and drink alone instead.
5. (Scratch that - you drink with friends.)
6. Your dog only wants to go where it can't, which is pretty much everywhere.
7. When they do go, they prefer exotic locations like the middle of the street.
8. On sewer covers.
9. In restricted flowerbeds.
10. In sad, tiny unrestricted flower beds.
11. Directly in someone else's path.
12. You dread that awful moment when you realize you're out of poop bags.
13. And you can't run away from the scene fast enough.
14. You have to find creative ways to give them exercise.
15. Which means that you spend a lot of time in smelly pebbled dog parks.
16. On the rare occasion that you do find grass, this is the reaction.
17. Which can only end one way... in the sink.
18. Going out of town is hard.
19. Your dog has mastered the art of leash tangling.
20. They don't want to go outside when there's icky snow, so they mostly just stare at you.
21. Even at times when they shouldn't.
22. Walking a dog in the gross city rain is the absolute worst.
23. And no matter how upset you are about it, they are always more upset.
24. They don't understand WHY they can't just pee on the nice warm couch instead.
25. WHY.
26. But no matter what, you always have a best friend to come home to.
27. And at least you're not a cat lady.
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