48 Hour Breakup Progression

So your breakup just happened. It may be your fault, it may be theirs that doesn't really matter. It could have been a "mature" conversation or it your possessions could be strew across his front lawn- whatever the scenario, we as females will follow some variation of the below: 1. You are so insanely angry, you get in your car and drive like you've had 9000 drinks- Your next career could involve drag-racing, swerving, speeding, getting the hell outta there 2. You make it about 9 minutes down the road on the way back to your house, contemplating going directly to the bar but you have no cover-up with you. 3. You make it home, flop on your living room carpet, assume the fetal position and bawl hysterically. 4. You find the strength to make it to your couch after a quick pit stop at the freezer (thank you Jesus for the mastermind that invented Talenti ice cream). Remote, container and spoon in hand you have turned into a four-armed monster who can survive based solely on the contents of your coffee table. 5. You turn into the mentalist, scanning through the ex-boyfriends who respond quickly to text- you need attention; validation that you could have anyone you wanted. Texts go out and 3 minutes later you delete those conversations- it never happened. 6. Xanax, Benadryl, Nyquil PM, whatever you have in the medicine cabinet is coming out to help you pass out. You turn the TV on, exactly where it will stay until you wake up the next day. 7. You’re made it through your first night of being single, you have probably already told 6 friends you broke up but definitely not your Mom- can’t do that until you know it’s real and honestly that will just start the waterworks again so you withhold. 8. You look up 917 gym class schedules making excuses why you can’t attend any of them. Instead you open that new birch box, pull out a facemask and sit on your couch with no pants. This day is probably not going to include pants at any point. 9. Couch posting is going to occur for the next 24 hours until that great friend of yours comes over, forces you in heels and downloads tinder on your phone. 10. Lather, rinse, repeat- best of luck young grasshopper. Just remember the best revenge is a hot body- you’re allowed to cry but cry while doing sit-ups, follow 30 motivational fitness Instagram accounts and you’ll be on your way.

Breakups happen, and when they do the last thing we need is to feel crazier thinking that we are the only ones that grieve this way. FEAR NOT, you are not alone.

48 Hour Breakup Progression

48 Hour Breakup Progression