I was recently on Twitter when I stumbled upon the following tweet from the Pop Crave account — which with over 10 million views (since El*n forces us to see Tweet views now) and over 17k QTs — is now certifiably viral.
Meghan Trainor causes chatter online after discussing her “painful” sex with “big boy” husband Daryl Sabara, revealing that she “can’t walk” after sex: “[It’s] to the point where I’m like, ‘Is it all in?’ and he’s like, ‘Just the tip.’ And I’m like, ‘I can’t do anymore.’ I don’t… https://t.co/BYd694JsZx
Now, at first glance, you (like many others) may have asked yourself, "Why did I need to know that?" But, if you dig in a little more and find the context for the above conversation, you will see that this is actually a conversation very much worth having. Because what Meghan is talking about here is not really about the size of her husband's penis — it's about a medical condition called vaginismus that is thought to impact up to 1 in 10 women worldwide.
Vaginismus — or pelvic pain, generally speaking — is often not discussed. Despite being relatively common, it's under-diagnosed, or sometimes not diagnosed at all, and it's a diagnosis that comes with a lot of shame for many people. I would know, because I was diagnosed with this very condition myself in my early 20s.
For those who don't know, vaginismus is a pelvic floor condition defined by involuntary pelvic floor contraction that can lead to painful intercourse and general pelvic pain. Some studies estimate that it may impact up to 1 in 10 women worldwide — that's millions of people — but because of lack of information, dismissal of women's pain, and shame, this condition sadly goes undiagnosed for many so the exact number is unknown.
Upon seeing the above tweet, I knew there was likely more to the story, so I went to find the full story. And I did! On the April 19th episode of Meghan's podcast, Workin’ on It — which she hosts with her brother Ryan Trainor — she revealed that a recent diagnosis of vaginismus she had received shed light on why she had not been able to enjoy penetrative sex with her husband since giving birth to her son, Riley, in 2021.
Meghan goes on to describe the pain she experiences from vaginismus. She notes that it can feel like “stingy burning” and is so painful that after she’s had penetrative sex, she can hardly walk. Speaking to fellow YouTuber and guest Trisha Paytas during this segment on the podcast, Trainor — who is currently pregnant — said that after giving birth to her first son Riley in 2021, she had difficulty having sex for an entire year.
She continued to talk more about her experience with vaginismus and painful intercourse and shared that, “As he would penetrate, I would be like, ‘Ow, ow, ow,’ like to the point when I was making this baby, I had to ice myself after,” Trainor said.
Meghan is certainly not alone in this experience, although this experience can feel deeply isolating. So, BuzzFeed caught up with Dr. Celeste Compton, PT, DPT, WCS from Origin Physical Therapy to get more information on vaginismus.
"Vaginismus is a condition in which the muscles of the pelvic floor involuntarily contract or spasm. And while vaginismus is technically a dysfunction of a muscle, because of the pelvic floor's relationship to the vaginal canal, when it spasms, it can directly impact a person's ability to engage in penetrative sex, leading to a slew of psychological, sexual, body image, and relationship issues," Dr. Compton tells BuzzFeed.
Dr. Compton continued to share more about these muscles, explaining to BuzzFeed that, "the pelvic floor is a group of muscles located at the base of the pelvis that surround the vaginal, urethral, and anal openings." So, in terms of potential symptoms to be on the lookout for, Dr. Compton shared that if these muscles spasm, then they will have difficulty fully lengthening or relaxing and, as a result, "a person may experience painful penetration with tampon use, penetrative sex, or gynecological exams. An inability to relax the pelvic floor may also impact bladder control and can contribute to constipation."
In terms of who is most impacted by vaginismus, the whole lack of research into women's health and pain is still a thing here, but Dr. Compton shared that anyone with vaginal anatomy can experience vaginismus at any point in their life.
As for treatment of vaginismus, Dr. Compton shared with BuzzFeed that a multidisciplinary approach seems to work best; including psychologists, sex therapists, gynecologists, and pelvic floor physical therapists. A few examples of potential treatments that Dr. Compton shared with BuzzFeed include pharmacological interventions like topical anesthetics or botox injections, therapeutic interventions like cognitive behavioral therapy, and physical therapy interventions like manual therapy and vaginal dilator therapy.
As for what Dr. Compton hopes BuzzFeed readers understand about vaginismus, she wants you all to know that if you are experiencing painful sex, you are not alone. "If someone you know and care about is experiencing painful sex, let them know that they are not alone. Painful sex and vaginismus can be really difficult to talk about, but it is important that we do talk about it, because the first step in getting help for this condition is understanding that, while painful sex may be common, it is not normal."
Thank you, Meghan, for sharing your story and shedding light on a condition that deserves more attention.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE), which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here.