The 7 Most Absurd But Deadly Fictional Sharks

Whether out at sea, sitting inside the comfort of your own home watching Shark Week, or caught in a tornado -- no one is safe from these 7 deadly sharks.

7. Sharks that cockblock and ruin shark expeditions

gifizer.com

This movie could have been a coming of age tale about young lust in the 70s, but Jaws had to go and do those horrific things that he does with his jaws.

6. Sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads

img.pandawhale.com

How do you defend against these sharks? Excuse me while I go practise Jedi defense in my stepdad's basement...

5. Sharks with biceps and impeccable 90s style

tumblr.com

Okay, so these sharks weren't so deadly in the traditional "causing life to end" sense, but their skills with jetpacks/rollar blades/motorcycles were figuratively deadly.

4. Sharks that can fly

wordpress.com

What if they had tendencies to fly into windows, defecate everywhere and cry out shrill mating calls like other birds? You literally wouldn't even want to go outside anymore.

3. Sharks that are about to relapse

tumblr.com

The level of danger would be like trying to stop 'Mericans from eating bacon, while cooking bacon in the same room, and letting the intoxicating aroma fill their nostrils and the bacon sizzles gently rain over their naked and willing bodies.

2. Sharks that... Oh God! Why is this happening?!

bulk.destructoid.com

I am completely and utterly traumatized now. I don't even think porn can fix me.

1. Sharks in a tornado

cdn0.sbnation.com

static3.businessinsider.com

wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net

Enough said? Enough said.