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35 Things I Wish I Could Tell My Post-College Self

Coffee filters do not make good toilet paper.

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1. Trader Joe's grocery bags are not suitable trash cans.

2. It's 6 months not 3 years between teeth cleanings. *PLEASE USE DENTAL INSURANCE WHILE YOU HAVE IT.

3. Your 10-minute treadmill workout will STOP producing results in your late 20's.

4. You know that job you bitch about everyday. QUIT! Nothing bad will happen.

5. Handle breakups like Nike.... JUST DO IT.

6. Car salesman do not have your best interest at heart.

7. Neither do roommates you find on Craigslist.

8. Do things that scare you. It is required for growth.

9. You can't defer your student loans forever.

10. Keep your Ron Bergundy costume. "Anchorman 2" gets green-lit.

11. Any text past 2:00am REEKS of desperation.

12. It is not ok to use coffee filters when the toilet paper runs out.

13. Playing Beer Pong & Flip Cup with a girl is NOT a real date.


15. Minimum payments do not pay off credit cards.

16. You won't find your passion or calling clicking entry level jobs on Craig's List.

17. Stretching is not a sign of weakness. Either is Yoga. Start doing both.

18. The best way to get what you want is to help others get what they want.

19. Stop holding bottles of alcohol in pictures. First off, not that cool. Second, your entire family will be on Facebook in the future.

20. The sooner you take that Scarface poster off your wall, the better. Actually, that goes for all your posters.

21. All your childhood heroes took steroids. Get over it.

22. Avoiding risk is actually MORE risky in the long term.

23. Unpaid parking tickets don't disappear. They become expensive car registration.

24. Jessica Alba will be married with two kids and they're not yours. Let her go.

25. Stop watching bad TV and read a book.

26. Chipotle is not health food. It will eventually turn into stomach fat.

27. Don't stress if your career feels like a game of chutes and ladders.

28. Write down your goals and do one thing everyday that will help you achieve them.

29. Yes, you have to wash your towels.

30. And your bed sheets.

31. Oh, and buy a bed frame while you're at it.

32. Stop taking credit cards to the bar. Forgetting to "Close Out" doesn't mean they won't swipe your card.

33. If you ever have the urge to post a "SELFIE" go volunteer or do something selfless.

34. Things you need to ween off of. 1) Trips to Vegas. 2) Jagr 3) Burritos past 3:00am. 4) Techno Music 5) The Office (things aren't the same after Steve Carell Leaves)

35. And go do something nice for an employee at Borders.

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