1. Being taken seriously.
There's nothing more discouraging to your trans friend than to hear, "Maybe this is a phase," or, "But you've been [insert biological sex] for all these years. Are you sure this is really you?"
If your trans friend took the time to come out to you, chances are good that they've thought about it for a long period of time; in some cases, they may have been struggling silently for years. Don't trivialize their experience by asking them whether they're "sure," or by commenting on how "sudden" their coming-out process is. Keep in mind that while it might be sudden for you, it's probably something that's been on their mind for a very long time.
2. Not being bombarded with questions.
While it's perfectly understandable that you may have questions about your trans friend's "new" identity, don't overload your friend with too many questions concerning their process -- i.e. "Will you get surgery?" or "How does the hormone replacement process work?" -- because your friend may not be prepared to field these complex, detailed questions right now. They may not even be considering surgery or other medical options, and your trans friend shouldn't serve as your index for all questions concerning the trans experience. Consult reliable sources of information for these questions, such as this brief guide to the transgender identity via GLAAD: http://www.glaad.org/transgender/trans101
If nothing else, be a listening ear for your trans friend. Listen carefully and with an open mind to what they've been experiencing emotionally. By all means, ask them how they've been feeling, what you can do to help them feel more comfortable, or how you can help them navigate new social waters -- which could prove treacherous for them as they begin transition. But please, save the Sex & Gender Jeopardy for a different information source.
3. Not being reminded of how "pretty" or "handsome" they are.
When coming out to you, your trans friend does not want to hear, "But you're so [gendered compliment]! Why would you want to be a [opposite gender]?"
Regardless of how your trans friend looks to you right now, they're probably not focusing on how attractive they are or aren't as their assigned gender. In fact, that's probably the last thing on their mind, because no matter how attractive they're perceived to be by their peers, they will probably never feel like their true selves in their current state. And that doesn't make anybody feel beautiful.
Instead, steer clear of commenting on their current appearance -- it's irrelevant. What they really want to hear sounds more like, "I know you may not feel like yourself right now, but I see the amazing [man/woman] in you, and I respect [him/her]."
4. Having their preferred pronouns, terms, and name honored.
One of the best ways to demonstrate care and respect for a newly-out trans friend is to make use of their preferred pronouns, preferred terms, and preferred name, regardless of how you've viewed or treated them the past however-many-years you've known them.
This may very well be one of the most difficult things you'll try to do, but it's one of the most important. Your friend's transition is not only a transition for them, but for you as well, and for your relationship as a whole. You're human, and you're allowed to screw up and say the wrong thing -- but correct it, immediately, and show your trans friend that even though you're probably going to screw up many more times, you're really trying.
As a general rule, don't base your pronoun usage, or the use of their new name, on how your friend looks to you right now. Your female-to-male friend might still have long hair and still wear makeup. Your male-to-female friend might still sport a crew cut and a men's lacrosse uniform. It's important to recognize that your newly-out trans friend may not have the ability to alter their appearance right now, and for lots of different reasons. They shouldn't have to "look" their gender right now in order to receive validation from you.
5. Being accepted for their true self.
Above all, your trans friend just wants to be loved and accepted after coming out to you, the way you loved and accepted them before their transition. Your reaction matters to them. They care for you and want to be in your life.
Show them the same love and care by accepting and respecting their process, even if you don't agree or are confused or hurt. Ask them how you can work to maintain your relationship, even if that relationship might change -- and chances are, in some ways, change is inevitable. Keep in mind that you became friends with this person for a reason, and, on a fundamental level, this reason isn't affected by a gender transition.
In fact, your acceptance and unconditional love in the face of such a life-altering change can bring you even closer, because your trans friend isn't only the same person they've always been, but better; they're evolving into their true selves, and there's no one they'd rather embark on such an incredible journey with than you.
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