11 Things I Do Not Miss About College

College was cool and all, but I think the real world is a bit underrated. I know I know, the 'free time!' the 'friends' the 'booze'! But now I'm all like 'money of my own' and shit.

1. WE MADE IT! (4 years later, my return to a college campus)

Via hundred.squarespace.com

Taking trips to touristy locales like the adult I am - I was in Arizona last weekend to see the Grand Canyon. My crew, (one person but it sounds cooler to say 'crew') decided to stop by our friends house before we flew home to NYC. This friend, lives on ASU's campus (we're 27, he's a student - it's fine) and legit I was blown away at how different I felt than these college people, even though I was one of them not TOO long ago. Like, Kanye West zip-lining out of place. It just wasn't right.

I honestly respect and loved my college time, but I don't know how people miss it SOOO much. Like, every time someone says something about college there's someone that says 'lets go back' and 'those were the days'. What days? Taking into consideration these same people begrudgingly moan, 'best four years of my life' are also the people that love dive bars that play Journey and always get excited when someone mentions 'Sunday Funday'.

So when we headed to the airport the morning after, feeling fat-as-shit like salty puffers, I was thinking about all the things I really don't miss about college.

Everyone's different, but like, I seriously don't miss this shit about college:

1. My puffy ass face (!)

I'm not sure if it was the alcohol, lack of sleep, poor nutrition or baby fat, but that shit I do not miss. Love all my peeps, but I think honestly my friends (just the girls FYI - shits caught up to the dudes for the most part) have just gotten hotter each year out of college. We all had round ass moon faces from all the sodium consumption and drinking. Now, my people are regulated and right and I like looking at them more.

2. Giving a shit about Facebook

I'll admit I do check the Facebook app on my phone quite regularly (sometimes meetings are looooong and I'm desperate) but the amount of fucks I do not give about anything that happens on Facebook feels good. Remember when stalking first came to be? And people actually wrote on each other's walls and posted pictures and albums SERIOUSLY? #BYEFELICIA

3. Having no idea about anything relevant to being a real human

Literally. no one that I knew in college had any idea about how things really work in life. Not a clue about what corporate work was like, no clue about real time management, about management of money...zero. Having a job is work, yes. It's hard, yes. I'd rather be chillin', yes. But in the real world I can spend that extra $24 dollars left over in my checking account every month on what-ever-da-fux-I-want.

4. Theme parties

Chances are if you like theme parties as an adult we aren't friends. Theme parties are sort of fun, when you've got a good outfit/when you feel skinny, or it's a theme you can easily do (jersey parties were cool) but it was so freaking time consuming and stressful to make a Toga for some reason. Boats and hoes, what does that even mean? I appreciate a life now where I dress up on special occasions and just wear slutty clothes on weekends only when I'm working for my drinks. Hehe. For real though.

5. Late night eating

Nowadays, I just move that late night meal to a normal time, call it fourth meal and go to bed sober. NOT EATING PAPA JOHNS GARLIC BUTTER SAUCE REGULARLY RULES. I feel so much better, my body thanks me, and so does my dignity. The routine of the late night eating, alone or with people was the worstttttt. Everyone's like so happy but at the same time so sad because they feel ashamed. Then the next day your pores are all like 'jimmy johns mayo makes us sad'. Onward and Upward.

6. My concept of time, and time management

How.in.the.hell.did.I.think.that.12.hours.of.class.a.week.was.STRESSFUL. I would honestly pat myself on the back if I went to class sometimes. Can you even? Think about how much props I would have given myself for attending my actual job. The discrepancy in time management never ceases to amaze me. Nowadays, I have my workout in, I'm at work, and my weekends planned by 8 AM. I remember being shocked if someone told me they had 20 hours of class some semesters and truly saying a prayer for them. THAT'S STILL HALF OF A FORTY HOUR WORKWEEK. I respect my new found ability to just 'grin and bear it' to 'suck it up' and cry after hours while my body slowly molds to the shape of my desk chair.

7. Having to pick who you live with early

My best friends are my best friends now because I do not live with them. Granted I lived with my v best friend for three years after college, but again that was after college, and we were mature and shit. Before in college you had to pick your roommates like your first day in. At that point your so scared and desperate you'll literally live with anyone just so you're not alone. Also thank you real life for making it cool to live by yourself, shouts to that.

8. Having no real money of my own

I don't really know what I needed money for in college (besides theme parties and Jimmy Johns) because honestly shots were like 50 cents and I ate on campus all the time, but still. Having money in the real world is nice, being able to go on vacations when I want is nice. Being able to do what I wanna because I have that ability and power granted to me through money I make at my job, is nice. If I want to pay $34 dollars for a soulcycle class and $9 dollars for a juice – I will bitches. #freedom

9. Frat Bros

I want all the time back in my life that I spent conversing with this species of individual. I guess you can't stereotype everyone, I was in a sorority, but like the overall theme holds true. Remember the first couple years in the frat where they 'pledge' and think that their shit is so secretive and sacred but are really like just forced to do errands for the older 'brothers' and other semi-homosexual shit like whip each other with belts? You can spot frat bros out in the real world now. Have you heard of tinder? hehe #factsRfacts

10. Being insecure AF

I think this above all others. I literally die thinking about what an insecure time college was. At ASU this weekend, I could just like, feel it in the air. You're told that 'your major doesn't matter' and to 'explore what you love' but like you don't even know what that really is. Your sort-of thinking about what you want to do with your life but more so just about kicking it on the couch with your friends all day watching 'The Real World Road Rules Challenge'. There's also the cycle of being wasted, then hungover, then anxiety and repeat. Having real responsibilities (like paying my cable bill and shit), having hobbies, having ambition and having gone through various changes gives you more confidence than anything in college could ever do. V thankful.

11. Having WACK ASS STYLE.

Just close your eyes for a second and think about your college look. LOL. Tease. Tan. Bleach. Repeat. (or is that just me?) LIFE IT'S A JOURNEY Y'ALL!

(Drake voice) WE MADE IT.