A Year In The Life Of The World's Weirdest Pro Athlete: JaVale McGee's 2012
It was a year full of suspicious babies, Segways, platypuses, and DJ Roombas.
JANUARY: Well, the year started off right. JaVale, then with the Washington Wizards, was stared at by a baby.
JaVale also made huge strides in the field of mobile DJs by attaching speakers to a roomba. DJ Roomba in the HIZZOUSE.
We discovered that he walks around his apartment in an astronaut suit.
And he closed out the first month of a great 2012 by throwing an alley-oop to himself in a loss to the Houston Rockets. Note: this is not OK to do in a game. At all.
In February, the Wizards established themselves firmly as one of the league's worst teams — JaVale was a starter every night — and JaVale charted two of his greatest plays of all time.
FIRST: He goaltended a shot. OK, that happens. But he didn't just, like, tip it away from the hoop — he catapulted the ball into the stands. Really, really far.
SECOND: After missing a hook shot, JaVale just assumed that the Raptors rebounded the ball, and so he sprinted back on defense — even though Washington still had possession. John Wall was very, very confused.
March was a pivotal month in the year of JaVale. The Wizards traded him to the Denver Nuggets for Nene, meaning that, for the first time in his career, JaVale would actually play for a good team.
The best reaction came from his mom. It's a shame how gangsta his moms is.
(Speaking of JaVale's mom... don't ever mess with JaVale's mom.)
So, what kind of start did JaVale's Nuggets career get off to? You guessed it: he... scored a game-winning dunk?
April was a dark month, because it was the month we learned that JaVale sold his Segway to Wizards teammate Kevin Seraphin after he got traded.
In memoriam, let's remember that time he drove his Segway through a McDonald's drive-thru.
On a brighter note, we learn from a Sports Illustrated profile that JaVale calls his off-the-backboard self-oop the "Super Hi-Fi Superphonic Supersonic Ultra Intercontinental Bring It Around the World Throw It Off the Back Dunk," which is pretty cool.
We also learned that even Metta World Peace rags on JaVale: "I don't think he watches tape. I think he plays video games, and he could possibly have an Atari."
MAY: In May, JaVale made the first playoff appearances of his career against the Los Angeles Lakers, quickly drawing eyes with plays like this.
He had a fantastic performance in Game 5, and his 21 points and 14 rebounds helped the Nuggets take L.A. to seven games. They also led to this legendary moment.
Fortunately, just because JaVale was out of the playoffs didn't mean he was out of our hearts. He tweeted about copping a pet platypus...
...then revealed that, in fact, he had LIED about copping a pet platypus. It was a roller-coaster day for all of us.
In June, July, and August, JaVale mostly kept off the radar, which made sense, considering that the NBA was off until the fall. However, there were three major developments in the world of JaVale that are more than worth mentioning.
FIRST DEVELOPMENT: JaVale reminded us that, on Twitter, he is not JaVale; he is Pierre.
SECOND DEVELOPMENT: JaVale started only retweeting other people, with no tweets of his own, sometime in June.
HOWEVER, the plot thickens: if you go back through his timeline, you discover that he retweets people who have retweeted him. This means: since June, he's been deleting all of his own tweets.
THIRD DEVELOPMENT: In July, JaVale started only tweeting in the form of retweets of himself.
So yeah, JaVale McGee is Weird Twitter.
SEPTEMBER: JAVALE GOT ANOTHER SEGWAY!!!
Also in September, JaVale tried to buy 10 Denver-ians(?) burritos at Chipotle. Only one guy showed up. He bought that guy a burrito.
Undeterred, he then tried to buy 10 Denver-ites(?) Noodles and Co.
JaVale's been pretty good so far during the 2012-13 season: he's posting the best true shooting percentage, blocks- and points-per-game numbers of his career. But for concision's sake, we'll sum up his performance to date in three simple GIFs.