1. When he sweetly celebrated his wife Blake Lively's birthday:
Happy Birthday to my amazing wife.
2. When he played with his daughter on the beach:
My daughter loves being buried up to her neck in sand at the beach. Her little face lights up when I come back to get her the next day.
3. When he looked up a few symptoms:
I can go from researching a cramp on WebMD to coffin shopping in under 90 seconds.
4. When he was a #1 dad:
Being a Dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy-bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word hero.
5. When he participated in the ultimate ex revenge:
6. When he was confused:
I can't turn back time, but it appears CPR is actually administered through the mouth.
7. When he had some airplane struggles:
Airplane toilets are aggressive. It wasn't until I got back to my seat that I noticed my pants and testicles were missing.
8. When he thoughtfully wished his brother a happy birthday:
Jeff, if there was a fire and I had to choose a family member to save, obviously it’d be me. But if I had time to s… https://t.co/ZSJ9NsisHd
9. When he bonded with his children:
My kids tried to surprise me for my birthday this morning. I totally heard them coming and snuck out to start a new life somewhere else.
10. When he had a really fun hotel stay:
When checking out of a hotel, it's fun to say: "The fire resistant carpet deserves some sort of Fire Resistant Carpet Award!"
11. When he enjoyed a light beverage:
The best thing about finishing a 105 ounce slurpee from 7 Eleven is the look on Satan's face.
12. When he experienced a terrifying plane ride:
The guy sitting next to me on the plane placed a tiny chocolate on his tray table. He waited like, 7 hours to eat it. Enjoy hell, fuck-face.
13. When he felt the love from his daughter:
My daughter gets so pumped watching Disney films. She loves that they all have singing, dancing and a part when the parents die.
14. When he made a bomb sex playlist:
"Hurt" by Johnny Cash. Good luck making love with that song stuck in your head.
15. And when he found some hair inspiration:
