26 Signs Your Addiction To Goldfish Crackers Has Gotten Out Of Control

The crack that smiles back: Goldfish.

1. You know that any size smaller than a carton is just unrealistic.

Do they sell it in bathtub size? Just checking.

2. It is physically impossible to ever eat just one.

3. You often rationalize skipping meals in favor of more Goldfish.

4. The amount of Goldfish you are going to eat is directly related to how many are in your house.

You can’t stop. You WON’T stop.

5. You find yourself buying the 100 calorie pouches in a sad attempt to limit your intake.

You will be limiting your intake to only five 100 calorie pouches.

6. The first ingredient just makes you FEEL SO GOOD.

7. The jingle for Goldfish crackers gives you a God complex.


8. You’re willing to steal to get your hands on some.

9. A party ain’t a party if you can’t get your Goldfish fix.

10. When your significant other brings home a carton, you call them an enabler.

11. Your new motto is: “What’s good enough for Julia Child is good enough for me.”

Even Julia Child cannot do better than the joy of Goldfish crackers.

12. Your refined palate knows that the salty cheesiness makes them good with anything, even wine.

Downward spiral, here you come.

13. You respect the fact that the spout on the carton is perfectly hand-shaped, making it a cinch to eat them by the fistful.

14. And that the spout also makes it easy to just slide those fishes into your mouth.

15. Doesn’t matter if you’re on some foreign adventure, because you search everywhere for them. EVERYWHERE.

They’re fishes, of course they can make their way across the pond!

16. When you see dropped ones on the ground, you STILL want to eat them.

You have no shame.

17. Whenever you’re eating something healthy, you think about how you might sneak for Goldfish into it.

Goldfish crackers and soup are practically bowl mates.

18. They can make you see psychedelic colors.

19. Whenever you see the distinctive shape, you get Goldfish flashbacks.

20. Seeing the Goldfish mobile makes you fantasize about what it would be like if it were filled with Goldfish crackers.

21. The Flavor Blasted Goldfish will make you powder your nose on the regular.

22. The original flavor feels like methadone to you.


23. You introduce their succulent crunchiness to the innocent creatures around you.

Just have one taste, man.

24. Whenever you develop too much of a tolerance for one variety… you discover a whole DIFFERENT kind to try.

Goldfish Pretzels are just a gateway snack to Goldfish S’mores.

25. You’ve become a believer that ALL things should be baked.

That’s why they smile so much!

26. You know that Goldfish crackers are basically a religion.

Blessed art thou, Goldfish. May your golden tutelage protect and keep us full, amen.

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