Hi, I'm Kristin. I'm a plus-size lady, and to be honest, the only sheer things I usually like are sunscreen and windshields.
It is 100% because I am not perfectly hourglass-shaped, and when I look fondly at photos from festival season, I tend to see a lot of people exposing body parts I feel stupidly obligated to keep covered.
See all those body parts exposed on these ladies above? I have those same parts but like, a lot more of them. But also, if there is one thing I have in spades besides belly...it is FOMO.
First of all, buying and styling sheer clothes has a few, uh, logistical concerns I had not previously thought of:
Day 1: I start out easy with a sheer black bodysuit with flowers from Forever 21. I am Victorian widow who is doing a bad job at being sad that her husband is dead.
And because we at BuzzFeed love to RAISE THE STAKES: Day 1 was also the day of our Ladylike fan meet 'n' greet, and many beautiful people had very sweet things to say.
Day 2: I went with a pink dress with sheer panels from Charlotte Russe, and hello, I am now James and the Giant Peaches.
I feel like a Disney princess, if you define "Disney princess" as somebody who launches into an adventure mostly in response to garbage from nearby Men in Authority.
One regret I have: When I was buying this dress for this project, I sort of erred on the side of getting this in the Giant Pillowcase Size. Most people thought this dress was nice, but too big, and didn't even really notice the bountiful sheerness of the arms, back, sides, and thighs. I honestly didn't take into account that when something doesn't fit properly, it doesn't do me any favors, either. I think I was just so worried about making sure nobody could see my body — far be it from me to commit ~*~*~two fashion sins at once~*~*~.
Day 3: I put on a sheer dress from Forever 21 and a bodysuit, which — before I put it on — was my least favorite outfit.
But this immediately became everyone's favorite outfit (????), as indicated by the incredible amount of deep, important work we ended up doing in this meeting:
I took this photo post-gratuitous-coworker-compliments, and even I can tell that it looks better now because I don't feel like I'm just doing wacky stuff for fashion science.
Day 4: I try a lace bodysuit from Boohoo and my boobs are suddenly one hearty laugh away from launching themselves into the nearest authority figure.
As someone who mostly wears skirts, I was at a bit of a loss as to how I was supposed to style all these bodysuits. My husband suggested wearing nothing with these, and he was promptly fired from the styling committee.
I actually thought this bodysuit was going to make me look like Play-Doh rolled into a doily, but if anything, it just drew attention to the fact that my favorite pair of shorts (pictured here) are actually a baggier, worse fit than I thought they were, which made me wonder why the shit I keep buying clothes that are slightly too big for me.
The major problem with a deep V neckline + sheer fabric over your boobs is that you are heavily reliant on your hair to keep yourself covered.
I then post this outfit to my Instagram while I'm in Palm Springs, and to my very real and significant surprise, it becomes one of my most liked photos ever.
Day 5: In which I try a black jumpsuit from Forever 21 with a sheer top, and everyone who had previously picked a favorite outfit changed their minds and picked this one.
Even more intense was that this bodysuit actually looks better with my hair up, which, yikes: To me, my hair is like my beloved invisibility cloak.
As a bonus, I did a Day 6: My boss gave me a challenge — restyle the first bodysuit, but take more risks this time — and, well, here we are.
All in all, WOW, did we have a week full o' surprises and learnings:
1. Outfits I hated putting on were revered more than the clothes I actually wear, which I think said a lot about how I am actually playing it safer than I realized, and that I need to stop. that. shit. So do you!
2. I know I showed a lot of boob, but I can't help but notice that I would feel totally comfortable showing this much boob if they were hoisted up and crafted into the perfect cleavage, but showing them without support and flopping in the wind like a couple of old potatoes feels...sloppy. Which doesn't seem fair.
3. More plus-size stores need to offer more sheer options. COME ON, Y'ALL. Let's stop pretending that we're starting to think about buying summer clothes in the middle of August. WE ALL KNOW it's gonna be hot until October!